Cassie

end of our relationship?

2010-08-29T16:34:00.000-07:00

it's only been a week but seems soooo long to me. every morning I wake up feeling empty and I really hate this emptiness.
let's start from last tues. he called me aft work and talked awhile. he said still got work to do. ard 10 I called him, he said he is at Chinatown with his camp mates and will call me when he reached home. well no calls from him after that. on wed, he called again as usual after work. when I called him at 10 tat say, he said he is at Fullerton and will MSG me when he reached home. as usual my phone was silent all the way. detected GPS at 4 am for both days. on thurs I called him during lunch. somehow I confronted him again. he was angry as usual and wants to end it. well I am sorry for doing tat and SMS him sorry. as usual no reply and nothing from him the whole day. GPS detected he was at quality hotel at 9pm. met him the next day and ask where he went for dinner last nite. he told me mandarin hotel. well but I saw his Cust MSG him thanks for the dinner. so indeed he did go dinner w his Cust.

spent my weekend w him but I still cried. so upset w how he treats me. he doesn't touch me anymore. no hugs and kisses. when I touched him, I feel as I am feeling a wood. I can't help but talk to him again. this time round, I wan to hear me as a Fran and give me advise. guess wat he advised me. to end it! he told me to leave him alone. dun talk to him. dun touch him. how hurt is this. I saw his colleague MSG him in wed asking where is he. he mentioned garden, the smoking spot. the colleague ask if he is w his darling cause she does nt want to disturb. how shld I react when seeing this MSG. what am I!?!?!?!?
I didn't want to leave his hse jus now. so afraid he will go meet tat bitch. but he ask me to go home N to leave him alone. I ask if he loves me or hates me. he looked at me but does nt reply me. I told him 'if u love me, kiss me back. if u hate me,.....' I can't continue my sentence... I just kept crying nonstop. after I tried to kiss him but jus about to touch his lips, I retreated. so afraid tat he does not kiss me back. so afraid to noe tat he hates me. but later he came forward to kiss me. and asked me to stop crying. I can't control my tears and he asked is it tat I stayed over at his place then I will stop crying. I said I cried cos I am upset. upset tat he is treating me this way. upset tat his actions are so cold. with tat, I left.
I really can't see anything ahead. I deleted his num fr my hp. though my mind still noes his num. I am trying to get myself out but it's really very diffult.

Shopping Makes One Feel Better

2010-08-25T08:01:00.000-07:00

After hearing what Ser told me on Mon, I decided to heed her advise & try putting on makeup again. Just like what I did 5 yrs ago before I met Calvin. For a start, just a little of eyelinder. Not too much so that its not obvious for pple to notice but somehow or rather, 99% of my colleagues saw the difference & tot that I have a date or wat. No matter how I deny, they still keep asking where am I going & one even wish me an enjoyable nite ahead. Ya, I do have a date after work & its with Ser :) Well, at least I do get positive feedback afterall. Will continue if I am not lazy.
Met Ser after work at Bugis, walk around & just got 2 nail polish.

Went home & called Calvin but he did not pickup. He returned call shortly & said he is at Chinatown drinking with his camp mates. Told me to give him morning call & said he will sms me when reached home but turn out didn't :(
Cant expect much now.

Well called him this morning & ask y didnt he sms me. He said hp no batt. well I just got to believe lor. For the rest of the day, he didnt call till I was in my car on the way to Suntec to meet Christine. He told me about the Luxasia sale which will be going on from tmr till Sat. I asked if he interested to go ah. He said ya. Will go on Sat after work. Then I asked him who he going with. He like taken aback w the question then said 'you lah'. ok lah, I noe its kinda of stupid but scarely he didnt tot of going w me leh. Then after so long, I finally asked him when are we meeting? He said friday lor & since I mention before wana put some clothes at his place (u noe just in case??), he said can suan bian bring over to his place lor. Erm come to think about it while typing, does he mean to stay over at his place on Fri?? Ok I dun dare to think about it oso lah. Anyway asked where is he going after work, He said duno yet.

So back to meeting Christine, we had Aston then coffee & gosipping @ Starbucks. Just before going back, we went to New Look & bought 2 heels from there. Heels quite high but got to sacrifice if wana dress up. Anyway 2 pairs for less than $50. Worth it.
Meeting Sam tmr go Orchard walk walk. Frankly some shopping do makes 1 feel better to a certain level. :)

Just called Calvin just now & he mentioned he is somewhere near Fullerton drinking & relaxing. Hope wat he said is true. As long as he is not with the bitch, I am fine. Toking about the bitch makes my blood boil. Yesterday during lunch, I am talking to the guys & mention Calvin. Then they asked which Calvin. Automatically I said 'mine lah'. Then they tease me ' still urs meh?' bloody hell lor... Idiots right??? I really hope I can say Calvin will be mine forever. I must make it work.

23rd Aug- what will 3 mths later be?

2010-08-23T16:10:00.000-07:00

I was on my way to work this afternoon. again I saw the bitch car drive opp my direction. fuck! I hate to see that car! I saw someone in her car and immediately Calvin come into my mind. I called him straightaway and chk on him. he said he is nt with her. well I will have to control my actions and dun act so impulsive. I am suppose to MSG him my acc num so tat he can tsf money over but then I forgotten. so he called me at 6 and asked. we tok for 6 mins then hang up. ask him to forward me the website for the movies when he reached home. he called me when he tsf the money over. aft half an hr, he auto MSG the websites over and ard 9 plus while I am on my way back home, he called and asked if I received his MSG. we spoke about 16 mins. he mentioned he will be meeting jiaming and frans tok tok. though it seems awkwardly silent at some parts of the conversation, at least is a gd start and can tell he is trying.
updated Terence everything. the things that Calvin blared out etc and he said he can actually understand how Calvin is feeling. and regards to the bitch, he posted a question to me. 'if both the bitch and calvin have feelings for each other and anytime can b together already plus keeping in mind tat calvin can break w me anytime with all these talks going on and on, then can u tell me y Calvin is still hanging on and willing to give u 2 a try?' well I can only say it's a love hate thing he is feeling for me now. I also asked Terence if he thinks Calvin like her? he replied no. if the bitch like him? he replied duno.
well I am doing my best now to give him his freedom. jus hope he dun misuse it. crossing my fingers for 23rd nov. wishing and hoping by that time, we r having a very happy relationship.

23rd Aug- what will 3 mths later be?

2010-08-23T15:51:00.000-07:00

I was on my way to work this afternoon. again I saw the bitch car drive opp my direction. fuck! I hate to see that car! I saw someone in her car and immediately Calvin come into my mind. I called him straightaway and chk on him. he said he is nt with her. well I will have to control my actions and dun act so impulsive. I am suppose to MSG him my acc num so tat he can tsf money over but then I forgotten. so he called me at 6 and asked. we tok for 6 mins then hang up. ask him to forward me the website for the movies when he reached home. he called ms when he tsf the money over. aft half an hr, he auto MSG the websites over and ard 9 plus while I am on my way back home, he called and asked if I received his MSG. we spoke about 16 mins. he mentioned he will be meeting jiaming and frans tok tok. though it seems awkwardly silent at some parts of the conversation, at least is a gd start and can tell he us trying.
updated Terence everything. the things that Calvin blared out etc and he said he can actually understand how Calvin is feeling. and regards to the bitch, he posted a question to me. 'if both the bitch and calvin have feelings for each other and anytime can b together already plus keeping in mind tat calvin can break w me anytime with all these talks going on and on, then can u tell me y Calvin is still hanging on and willing to give u 2 a try?' well I can only say it's a love hate thing he is feeling for me now. I also asked Terence if he thinks Calvin like her? he replied no. if the bitch like him? he replied duno.
well I am doing my best now to give him his freedom. jus hope he dun misuse it. crossing my fingers for 23rd nov. wishing and hoping by that time, we r having a very happy relationship.

Back at home

2010-08-22T07:26:00.000-07:00

Continue from where I left on Fri. Headed to Paragon to pass some docs during office hours & rushed back. Total 62 km, Can claim $0.80 per km so that means can get about $50. Michael was nagging he wants to go cos can earn so much but he got too many work to clear so I went instead. On my way back to office, Calvin called asking where am I. We met ard 6.30 & he asked me where i wan to go. My face of course black cos isnt he should be planning for me? So i just heaed straight to the petrol kiosk to pump petrol. On my way, I asked 'ur pay not in right?' he pretend nothing & kept asking me where i wana go. Once I reached the petrol station, he took out a box & passed to me, wish me happy birthday & gave me a kiss. I told him he was the last person to wish me. his face turned. I Noe I said the wrong thing. so I said thank u. rest of the nite was fine. we went to play fishing and watched step up3. saturday I saw the bitch MSG him 'smoke ma bb'. angry and mind going crazy when I saw tat. confronted him but he said it's nothing cos everyone in office is calling him boyboy cos of his hairstyle. I can only believe wat he said. we slept thro sat and when Sunday comes. ask if he is sending me home. he ask me wat time I wana go. I mention evening. then he said nw lor which was 4 plus. I told him this is nt ur definition of evening. aft which we quarrel again and he asked me to go home myself. I told him didn't u say will acc me go hg mall to buy blanket? he reluctantly went w me. when ask he wana eat anything. he said dun wan and ask me to ta bao instead.
went home and detected he was at geyland at 9+. mind went crazy. he did have something on afterall. finally I decided to go down his place and wait. waited till 3 plus when I saw the bitch car drove past. I quickly went to the lift and saw him there. we quarrel again. he blame me for checking on him. if I dun chk, such thing wun happen. we quarrel so much until he blare out everything. he hated me. he hate to see me. at times, he even hate to come home. he hated us living together. he is the happiest during reservist period. he nvr miss me during that period. he actually remember every event tat happen. he remembered hw black my face was during his time off at reservist 2 yrs ago. he remembered everything and how he change himself jus to make me happy and to love me more. but all these I have taken for granted. i can only blame upself for all these have hapened but I wan another chance jus like 2 yrs ago, he did wrong and we gave each other a chance. he said fine. he can give me a chance but he wun change his attitude anymore. I told him this is being unfair to me. asked if he still love me. he can't answer. he duno if he love or hate me now. he said since I am suffering, let's just end it. he again mention tat he dun wan the hse already. from the time he signed the papers he told himself if this dun work out, he is prepared to forsake the 5%. I ask if he care about me. he said yes and in return ask if I do. of cos I do and he said he does as well but jus tat the care we show r not wat both of us expected. I told him I gave him everything I can except freedom. whereas he has been changing himself to suit me without me knowing. I told him it's really unfair tat he will not change back to his old self jus becos he has changed so many times. he dun tok how would I Noe. finally he said again to give us time to cool off and think over. I of cos dun wan and asked him if I have another choice? he then said ok. we give ourselves 3 mths to make it work just like 2 yrs back. suddenly while typing this, I am soooo scared it will not work but I will definitely try my best. no checking on his hp... I hope I can do it! I jus chk this morning and he caught me. hai.. got to prepare work. took half day urgent AM leave cos all my things r at home and I am locked outside...well tats my mum lor...

Happy Birthday to me

2010-08-20T07:27:00.000-07:00

Called him yesterday and he mentioned not meeting cos think got meeting etc. asked if after that? he said go home ah. called him at 8 plus but no answer. called again at 9 and nvr answer. finally he called back 5 mins later. he said he is somewhere near PS and currently in toilet. he said he was having dinner w SQ pple. then he mention his hp low batt so we hang up. no calls/SMS from him till now.
yesterday I told Selina about my problem and she asked who is that bitch. I mentioned she work at JAS. the moment I said tat, the bitch name came out from Selina's mouth. coincidently bitch did like selina's bf yong as well and kept asking him out to drink 1 to 1 even when she noes he has a gf already. lucky yong rejects or did nt response to her therefore she drift off. this was 4 mths ago. so this means right after yong, she target Calvin. same thing, she also lend $ to yong. why is there such a 犯贱 woman! u desperate for guys so be it but y mus u target someone with gf. I agree she is not totally at fault. Calvin plays a part as well. Stacy say let's throw acid at her cb. I say make sure we get the strongest 1. yong say he will do the job. seriously I duno how long this will last. she will definitely not disappear from his life if he continue in contact with her which he will. so who can I blame but him. and also myself for being so stupid.
met sam yesterday and she said since I wana carry on, either I do the mature thing which is wait for few months and c any changes else the childish thing to do is to find a companion like wat he is doing. well, finding is difficult. finding 1 tat can click is even worse.
did I mention tat yesterday when I login hdb, it states tat as of todate, my flat will b ready in 3rd quater of 2012. tats 2 years more! I wish to tell him but he mentioned that he dun want the flat anymore. will I b getting to stay there with him???? I hope but is this possible? suddenly so many uncertainties ahead . I hate this!

after so much happy birthday to myself.. up till now nothing from him at all

Disappointment

2010-08-18T18:23:00.000-07:00

back from movies. didn't tell him tat even if he apologize, my mum dun wana c him anymore. in his heart, he didn't want to afterall. what hurts me is he dun even noe if he WANs me to stay over at his place. all he could say was u wan, u come over and stay ah. this is so disappointing. stupid me still went to bought season parking for next mth at his place whereas didn't buy for my place yet. I am stupid! foolish! but despite knowing all these, I still do all these things. it's like one sided thing.
ask if he still contacting the bitch aft office hours.. he replied that I can chk wat. told him I wana hear him say.. he nodded his head and added only 1 or 2 mins... is this suppose to be good or bad? I oso duno. I felt so hopeless.

Aching heart

2010-08-18T09:51:00.000-07:00

suddenly I literally felt my heart aching. dun ask me why cos I duno either but definitely I hate such feeling. I am meeting him later but I am nt really looking forward to. probably he feel the same too. it may has become a responsibility to him already.I found out that he is lying to me again. I hate to find out such things!

Cannot see Future

2010-08-17T07:24:00.000-07:00

Currently feeling lost! Suddenly duno what will my future be. My mother does not want to see him anymore even though he is to apologise. If I were to stay his place, its up to me (as what my mother say). Stacy say dun do things which will hurt my mum but more or less, it will. I oso duno if staying w him will be a good choice. Will I be with him forever? I cant see the future with him now. I duno so many things. I duno if he still loves me. I duno if wana spend his life with ne. I duno what is he thinking. I dun feel any security from him.

He called this afternoon saying he will not be meeting me cos he is going out with SQ pple. Asked me to give him morning call tomorrow cos they will be drinking tonight. I said ok. Then while talking to Terence, this thought came to my mind.... he probably meeting the bitch & they are going out.... I cant help thinking of this. Can this scary & lost period faster pass by?!?!?!?!?!? Sometimes I really hate my life. Ending it probably will be a good solution.

Possible to turn back time?

2010-08-16T00:57:00.000-07:00

it's only when I am heartbroken then I will start to think of blogging. read thro the entries 2 yrs ago and really wish I could turn back time. regret the way I treat him which probably lead to the current situation I am in now. I am totally lost and do not know what should I do to make it works. I do not wan to end it though many ask me to...I am torturing myself now but hoping for the better in future...

ask if he has plan anything for my bday. any presents for me? all he can reply was tat day then see how... yesterday he said he was busy and ask me to go back first... he is like reporting strength when he called me while waiting for bus home as well as reached home. I seriously duno wat to do already. the last conversation we had was at 9pm whereby he asked me to go hm and rest early.... when I MSG him good nite at 11+, as usual no reply... really hurt and sad... mind wandering if he contacted and met her last nite... after all they have been actively in contact during his reservist week.. talking on the phone for hours during wee hours... i choose to continue with him and this is the torture and suffering I have to get. 

2009-05-15T06:01:00.000-07:00

i am now blogging in my car.... All thanks to my new e63 which allows me to surf the net as long as there is wireless network.... Shiok rite.... Plus its keypad is like a pc keyboard.... Only bad thing is the buttons r small.... Anyway i still love this phone.... Now i hardly get on the internet when i am home.... Rather play my DS.....
ok... Back to wat i am doing now... Actually i am waiting for my movie to start.... Another 1 1/2 hr to go... Watching angels & demons...which areselling like hotcakes....ok..gtg liao....

First Entry of 2008

2008-09-17T21:16:00.000-07:00

Finally back after abandoning this blog for almost a year... Have a very strong urge to document this down...It all started off with K......

Have been dreaming of him occasionally... In my dreams, I can feel my heart aching.... & always waking up feeling relieved thats its not reality. I hate the type of feeling & hopefully would never experience it again... So LOST!!!! I have been thinking why is he appearing in my dreams whereby I have not been thinking of him... Pple say probably subconciously I do think of him... Well I have gotten over him after so long, though at times I still do not feel good that he is doing well (as in carrer wise).

On Monday, I dreamt of him again... Hai.... Anyway feeling bored @ work, I went into his email & saw he wrote to that bitch... from it, seems like their relationship is on the rocks.... The bitch replied & for the first time, I agreed with what she said below.....

Can we end this relationship? I don’t feel loved.

I’m tired of hearing you said that you love me and u need me or you reflected. How long can this love last?

You don’t even kiss me anymore except in bed.

I tried my best to wear the best, look the best but still your eyes and focus is not with me. I’m lacking confident. I want to make myself appealing to you but no matter how I try I failed.

After all, I am a girl. I want to feel loved and romance. That’s what a girl truly want and I guess I am not asking much.

Its so truc.. Thats him when a relationship carries on for too long.... Well this msg was written end of last mth & seeing from their friendster, they have 'he hao'already.....
Well, after seeing this msg, it sets me thinking how Calvin has been treating me.... is he behaving the same as K after our 2yr + relationship? Thus I was wary of Calvin's actions these few days & am definite that currently he is still treating me well & I hope this will remain forever.... We are still happily together.. last nite when we were having dinner, well I am thinking about the email btw K & the bitch when Calvin came feeding me his fish.... He was careful to remove the small bones before feeding me.... though this is a small gesture but I can feel that he cares about me.... From that moment, I kept looking at him eating... haha.. he still looks cute to me especially after his hair cut.... so boyish... We are still loving... we do not kiss only in bed... haha.... Ok.. time to all these mushy stuff.... But deep down inside me, I seriously hope we can remain happy forever..... :)

2007-12-01T08:38:00.000-08:00

I am back after gone for nearly 3 mths... no mood to blog... actually at this very moment oso duno wat to write.. but the reason that I am entering this post cos I simply dun wana do the appraisals... its the time again ....time really pass so fast .. i can still remember vividly 6 mths ago .. I was doing my staffs' appraisals at my aunt's house... hai~~~~~~~

Down with sore throat.. damn uncomfortable.. I was actually fine this morning.. believe should be the 'la cheng' which Dear fried for lunch.. & sore throat means falling sick soon again.. in fact my nose is running now... If to think back, I have been falling sick quite a number of times within this year... always diahorrea, vomit.... & if cough comes, it never seem to subside completely....

by the way, I am taking my driving now.. today is my 3rd practical lessons & I am driving on the road already.. the feeling damn shiok... haha... cant wait for my next lesson on Monday.....

Recently keep thinking.... 'How nice if I have a car....' haha... daydreaming lah... but hope it will come true very soon... of cos must pass my driving first lah.....

OK lah... got to go back to do appraisals liao... Dun wana wait till last minute.....

2007-09-20T11:30:00.000-07:00

Was expecting to work late for this week since shipments are picking up but since like my team productivity not bad so no need to stay lor. For the past few days have been sleeping damn early. Yesterday was even worse, 8.30 sleep liao.Well, nothing to do mah. Sian therefore sleep lor. Anyway I am down with flu & cough so must rest more. This week so far very guai.... after work straightaway go home.... bath.. watch tv.. play my DS... sleep...
So fast already Thurs liao... 3 more days to go before Dear is back on Monday & will be taking leave on that day to accompany him.....

Cant wait to hug him & slp..... :p

2007-09-01T14:04:00.000-07:00

jus some random updates....

- Officially moved out from my aunt's place

- Had dinner with my mum, together with Saadiah & Tracy at Sizzler on 16th Aug (Bill was on Tracy. Take it as a bday present for me as well as Saadiah). Followed by a drink @ Bala.

- Got a sweet necklace from my staffs for my bday.

- Saadiah bought black lingerie for me from LaSenza

- Bought myself Sony Digital Cam T100. The current canon I have is too old with a tiny screen.

- Worked 3 years in Expeditors & gotten a silver collar pin for long service.

- Increment in salary.... yahooooooooooo...... haha... but that means more tax to pay next yr :(

- Good bonus for the last quater... Next 1 in Nov & I am looking towards it...

- Elaine resigned. Well I am not happy nor sad about this news. Like wat Saadiah said, if it comes, it comes. If it goes, then goes lor....

- Planning to get a LV bag... but jus couldnt decide which 1. Anyway my staff's husband is working in DFS so that means got 20% discount... yah!!!!!

tink thats about it....Dear is back from work.. Go have my lunch liao....

2007-08-16T01:47:00.000-07:00

Have not been bloging for quite some time... too lazy & tired to....

Will start from Dear's bday... in the end I bought him a white PSP & he loves it alot..... We had BBQ & Saadiah came with Martin... he really very cute..... Aini came as well... at least I not so bored ah..... :)

Btw I got my bday present already... its an early present which I have all along wanted.... Blue Nintendo DS Lite..... Now whenever in the bus, both of us will be hooked with our individual device....

We went for our NDP preview last Sat... initally I was with a 'sian' mentality.... however the whole performance was so much nicer than I have expected...... Its not like the previous dull parade anymore..... !!!!

Actually posting this entry caused I damn free.. waiting to go home only... have been free since after lunch... jus got bonus today.. hehe.. as usual... not bad or should i say gd...

Later going Suntec with Saadiah for dinner with my mum.. feeling awkward leh... afterall so long no meet liao... duno wat to say as well.....

tmr & mon on leave.. so its a long weekend for me... but no plans yet ah.. other than sat go bowling... at least can rest & relax....

2007-07-25T22:56:00.000-07:00

Suddenly has the urge to blog.... why?? cos tot of the scary past... Talked to Aini over lunch about what had happened 4 mths ago...during conversation the sad feelings started flowing in & was afraid that history will repeat itself.... I duno what will it be like losing him again... just cannot imagine... & dun wish to have this turn into reality... No No No No............ This is never going to happen & I am not going to make it happen!!

2007-07-16T23:25:00.000-07:00

its been 2 weeks since I last blogged.. oso nothing much to say ah... cos everything jus went well... Dear has been very good to me.... too good that at times i find he probably love me more than I love him... hehe... we meet almost everyday & would go bowling with my colleagues on Sat... Occasional mj session as well with his frans... :)

This Sunday will be Dear's bday & he will be holding BBQ at Pasir Ris Park on Saturday.. erm still duno wat to get for him leh.... totally no idea... hai~.... asked Saadiah & tracy to come along on Sat as well.. cos I will be very bored... all Dear's frans leh... unlike him, I not the socialable type... hehe... planned to go earlier to cycle as well... with Saddiah's cute son Martin... that day Saadiah was having the below conversation with her son.....

Martin: Where is Calvin?
Saadiah: Calvin sleeping lah
Martin: Where is Cass?

Saadiah: Cass sleeping with Calvin ah.....

A few days later, Saddiah called her son asked if he wan to go bowling with us the next day....

He was very excited & asked 'Calvin wake up already or not? '.... haha.... Saadiah couldnt stop laffing & wanted to share this with some1... she called me straightaway & tell me...

Below is baby Taz which Dear has caught for $1.... Mini Toons is selling @ $60.... :) Baby Taz at Dear's place & I wish I can hug it now.... I oso quite heng.... caught a big bear on Saturday for $1 as well.....

2007-07-06T22:44:00.000-07:00

Saw a 3rd party's entry a few days ago & it raged me... jus suddenly found it so fake... this whole thing is jus so plastic.... 2 pple mentioning about their personal life encounters which are so similar & as if they are so angel.... that they are so understanding & nice... if so, why do I often hear from one complaining about the other??? After that entry, realised that A most likely has been talking bad about me to B where in return A has complained to me about B... complicated?? haha... this confusion will become ironic if u understand wat I am saying...

On the other hand, the entry oso tickles my feet while reading... to see someone self-praising oneself... saying things which would not be done... but in actual fact has did it... well how I noe... remember??? I heard complaints from pple...
Well enuff said...

2007-06-25T21:43:00.000-07:00

I am back at my aunt's place... kinda miss this place leh.. haha.. just came back from dinner @ hg mall... suppose to go home straight after work to catch the Superstar,, even thought of getting takeaway from Mac... But Dear suddenly called while I am on the way back.. talked for awhile before he asked wana go eat or not... how can I reject him... so ok lor... went home to put my laptop then walked to hg mall.. Though its a short dinner but enjoyed his company.... :)

The past weekend was enjoyable as well.... in the end on Sat, we went bowling with my colleagues... Saadiah brought her son as well... at first he was damn shy... but after some warm-up, he became active & kept talking...very cute boy... but he dun wan to take pics... but still managed to take a few lah... haha... Dear enjoyed himself as well... actually among the 5 of us, only Tracy & I duno how to play but at least still got pose to bowl leh... me completely duno 1.... but suprisingly, I scored the highest in the first game, 107... haha... but I dropped to the 3rd place after the 2nd round.. Aini & Dear are on the top.... Too bad, we do not have enough time.. played 2 rounds & got to go.... but we planned to play again on Thurs...and of cos with Dear as well :)

After that we headed to AMK for mahjong... wah.. duno how long no play liao... think since CNY leh.. & this is the first time I met Dear's frans again after our break up.... kinda awkward at first but after that ok liao... we took turns to play & won $60... hehe... Enjoyed the saturday.. its like he got to be our with my frans.. & so am I out with his frans as well... Saadiah asked if he is being forced to come bowling... well, no leh.. i need not force him or pester him to go lor.. its automatic ting 1...

Dear went to take his prac 1 on Sunday afternoon & passed... happy for him & hoped he passed the remaining pracs... after which we headed to Marina Sq to collect the NDP preview tickets & went to watch Death Proof... well it sucks.. too much scene being cut off... which led it to be sucky... saw the website of this show & there are many scencs which were being cut...sian....

Tracy said that can see Dear has 'ren yuan'.. which is true lah.. he is super friendly... she also commented that though Dear is not handsome but he has the cute look, especially when he smile... which I totally agree.... I love Dear's smile... finally she said from Dear's actions & the way he look at me, can tell he cares about me... :) I oso agree... he change alot since the time we patch back...
Did I mention oso that he told me 'I love you'... hehe.. so sweet..... :)

2007-06-23T09:20:00.000-07:00

Have been wanting to blog but everytime on laptop.. only wanting to click click.. but dun have the energy to type... haha.. to make it simple.. i am lazy.... Well tok about the apprasials first.. erm I finally managed to finish in time & sumbit to my manager... suprisingly, she commented it was gd for a first-timer & no need much amendments... however she said that I am quite stringent on the scoring for my staffs ... got meh? she oso appraise me very strictly leh... haha.. anyway i did well during the past 6 mths (thats wat my manager say lah)... though I tot I would have scored lower.... she said in terms of leadership, I was better than E.... E started off bad as she didnt manage her team well...but now so long liao, she of cos got improve lah.. Going forward, of cos manager expects much more in the next 6 mths from me lah... so ah.. meaning my Aug bonus would be quite gd oso leh... hehe....

My mum called me 2 weeks ago but I missed it... she jus gave me probia.. I do not know what she wants & dun wish to know.... At that period when our relationship was improving, she called & demanded money... aft which when things turn sour, she suddenly call & ask me to try clothes... I cant take the drastic change in her each time... wat exactly she wants??? My aunt told me she is angry when I didnt return her call... wel... they jus dun understand... do I have to always take her nonsense???

Talking about me & Dear... erm it has been sweet & loving... have been meeting almost every day except Mon... actually last Thurs was preparing to go home straight after work.. then as usual Dear will call me during lunch time... so I merely ask if he is going to play badminton after work as usual??? he said no.. then ask y? wana go out ah? erm i frankly dun have the intention lah... but since he said so we ended up catching a movie after work... This week only went home on Monday... I feel like telling my aunt can reduce rent or not... since I rarely at home... haha.. but dare not to say...
Initailly have been asking Dear to go Sentosa cos have not been there for ages... but he always reject me saying expensive lah.. wait till he got bike then say lah.. etc.. but yesterday suddenly on our way home he mentioned lets go next week... i actually tot go JB leh.. then he said Sentosa... haha... I was so happy... :)

To summarise, he has been very loving.... caring & sweet.. really change from his initial attitude when we are back together... :)

Later might be going to play bowling with Saadiah, Tracy & Aini.. or maybe go have dim sum @ Teahouse.... erm depends on him lor... i anything 1... but we gonna collect the NDP tickets @ Marina Sq... its only for the preview lah... didnt get for the actual day 1... okie... got to go.. maybe before meeting Dear, go do pedicure... hehe

2007-06-21T17:21:00.000-07:00

这段日子感觉到好辛福。。。。。
就好像刚刚谈恋爱一样：）

2007-06-07T22:25:00.000-07:00

I am suppose to be busy doing the appraisals for my staffs but I am just dragging it... Dun feel like doing it... Worse still, I haven do my evaluation which suupose to hand in today.. but manager say extend till Monday... so ... I haven even started typing a word yet... haha
Received letter from IRAS yesterday that I got to pay $200.00 tax... sian... Although to some pple this amount is not alot but is alot to me leh... Govt giving me $200 for the GST offset & now I got to give them back... :(

Btw remembered that time when I bought my Gucci bag, E said not nice.. not her type... jus now she told me that she bought a Gucci bag & its the same design as mine.. only color different... Nabei.. I shoot her back...'tot tat time u say not nice??' then she twist her word... say is she refering to the color.. not the design.. wah win liao lor....Angry

2007-06-05T22:19:00.000-07:00

Suddenly this tot is so strong... have been wanting to settle down.... get my own house... not now... but at least its time to plan.... but hearing him say he wana take his cpf to invest... i noe he is not thinking about it... he mentioned tat afterall he not using the cpf mah... wana tell him wat i am thinking but afraid will scare him off.... hai~

2007-06-04T23:36:00.000-07:00

I am back @ my aunt's place.. after staying for 5 nites @ Dear's place :( Though I noe its better for us not to everyday meet each other... i still miss him & hope can have him beside me every nite... :p one can never be satisfied...

Thursday
Went Suntec & Dear bought his hp... he was so excited about it.. :) I go 'tong tong' & we went to catch sweets @ arcade... of cos intention is to aim the jackpot... pple who always go arcade catch toys should noe wat I am refering to... After that bough a 2GB Zen V Plus mp3 player... pink color leh.. nice... :) Watched Shrek after that.. though saw many comments that part3 is not as funny as the previous 2... well I still enjoy it... the baby donkey cum dragon is jus so adorable.... tot that nite shld be going hm but while eating, he mentioned 'U tonite staying my house rite' haha.. of cos lah... I wana hug Dear & slp...

Friday
Went walk walk with Saadiah & Tracy after work @ Tampines... Dear came to meet me after his work & we went for our dinner before we headed home... Simle Friday nite but as long as with ur loved ones.. how simple oso will be happy..

Saturday
Dear need not work but poor me got to...sian... went back to his place after work... ate our lunch & both of us fell into deep sleep... especially me.. I am sleeping when realised that Dear's hand was opening my mouth.. Initally tot I was dreaming.. of that when i noe its not, i tot he was dreaming wat type of weird dream until his hand land on my mouth... then i realise he was actually dreamingly opening my mouth to prevent me from grinding my teeth... haha.. too loud that he is being distrubed by it... actually this is not the 1st time ah... Dear told me previously that he always open my mouth once I grind too loudly... but i didnt feel it until that day... haha... so funny.... We finally woke up at 7+ & headed to Bugis for dinner.....walk around, play arcade.... before we headed home....

Sunday
Dear went to play soccer in the morning.. before he went off, he hugged & kissed me.... After that he went to cut & dye his hair.... whereas I went to do soft rebonding... result of it... not those very straight type ah.. but at least neater... & my colleagues say nicer .... then we went Marina Sq to buy his 2GB memory card.. have dinner @ Yuki Yaki.. then walked to Bugis to take bus.. Before tat we stopped over at the arcade at Bugis... & Dear caught a Minnie mouse for $5... very cute... I love it... Btw, had a nightmare that day.. dreamt that Dear told me that he go back with me is for fun... & in the meantime he is still waiting for the rite ger to come.. I remembered I was crying so badly that I immediately woke up... very scary.... I even kept thinking about it when I am out... Never wan this to happen...
===================================================================

Dear jus called.. he jus bought a badminton racket cos he & his fran are adding badminton as part of their workout routine... then they went to Bugis arcade again & caught Dear's favourite Xiao Ding Dang bolster... he was so happy while telling me... He said its very soft & next time when I stayed over, can hug liao... :) Jus then recalled something which he mentioned last nite while I am half aslp... but not sure so jus now confirmed with him over the phone....

Me: Did you mention I was hugging so many things last nite?
Dear: Ya lah
Me: Got meh?
Dear: Got lah... You hug minnie mouse... hug my pillow... & leg hug my bolster... arm lying on my small pillow... Like that nothing for me liao...

haha... never realise tat leh... anyway this morning told a pic of him while he was aslp... so cute... his hand was beside his lower cheeks... like broken-wrist .. haha.. cannot post the pic.. later he scold me... i show Aini & she laughed like hell.... although his actions showed tat he loves me... being more caring & concern.. always wanting to hold my hand.... etc... I still waiting for him to tell me he loves me.. I wan to hear it from his mouth.... at times , i still wonder if he still like me or love me.... althought with all the things he had done... I still feel insecure... I wan to hear him say it out...Btw that day when he changed to his new hp... I saw the msges from the bitch in his SIM card... I asked him y? still cant bear to delete ah? He said that he dun delete msges 1 mah... he will delete 1 shot when the quota is full.. i was not happy hearing that... seriously I was so affected when I saw the msg from the bitch even though I already noe that he is still keeping... My face turned black.. & he was like 'Orr.. u wana show me attitude again is it?' We kept quiet & went for our movie... He later fed me with nachos & i alrite liao.. the next day, I saw he deleted all the msg liao... :)

Okie... got to rest liao.. nose keep dripping while typing this post... falling sick liao... dun when wana take MC...hehe

2007-05-30T23:22:00.000-07:00

Here I am at home on the eve of a public holiday whereas my colleagues are clubbing like hell... but I am not at my Aunt's home lah.. I am sitting on Dear's bed now typing this entry... :) He has gone jogging... So long never blog at his place liao... didnt expect that I can do it again...

Jus now went to see doc cos stomach has been feeling very uncomfortable since Friday... doc is saying most likely due to indisgestion & my stomach sensitive lor... shld be lor... kept heading to the toilet over the weekend, esp Sat... eat wat, come out wat... Before we went out on Sunday to pass his cousin things, he asked me if I confirm wana go out or not... later got to go around finding toilet again... :p

We suppose to go to the Food Fair yesterday however Dear finished work quite late so we met @ Tampines instead for our dinner.... :(

Jus now brought some clothes over to Dear's place... at least next time in future, got clothes to change for the next day when I stay over... else ma fan got to go home & change then go out...

Tmr most probably go watch Shrek... get his hp.. he changed target liao.. its still Samsung but model U600... I agree its much nicer... :) & I got to go 'tong tong' oso... collecting the series of doggy on 6 different rides... very cute.. I am still short of 2.....

I feel loved by him.... I was telling Aini that last time I am the one who wans to stay over at his place & have to tell him tat I dun feel like going home... else he expect me to go home.... but now different liao... last Fri depite he working the next day, he asked 'u r staying over tonight rite?' Even yesterday, he oso asked the same... erm... can really see a change in his attitude... Aini said like as if back to honeymoon period & of cos thats gd... :) Ya... he treats me good & loving... Jus now before he went jogging, I asked him to buy slurpee if he goes 7-11... he said most likely not... & ask wat else I wan... I said nothing ah.. i jus thirsty... He told me to make ribena drink ah... he bought 1 big bottle a few days ago... I told him lazy ah... he then went to make for me... so sweet rite? I never expect him to go make lor when i pass the remark... expecting him to say' u siao ah.. go make urself lah'.......... haha....definitely a change.... happy happy happy..........

2007-05-25T13:30:00.000-07:00

Jus taken lunch & boring ah.. so make a short post here lor... hehe... slept at 9pm last nite... really tired ah... even this morning in the bus oso can sleep & knock my head against the window...
Dear called last nite after his jogging.... Tok cock awhile before I went back to slp... before hanging up, he said tmr see how ah.... i like huh? in my mind thinking, see how tmr meeting or not izzit?? Then he said tmr see how go where lah.... Oh.. thats wat he meant ah.... Y am i glad?? Cos everytime I am the one tat will confirm if next day we are meeting.... but this time round, he said it.... :) though he did mention before that if he wun be meeting me tat day, he will tell me beforehand 1... but still in a way, he is like looking forward to meet me leh...
Have been updating Saadiah about my relationship... Dear's actions etc.... She asked me if he has changed like last time or better than that.... erm I cannot really answer that.. but its definitely better lor... I can see the change in him... :)

GSS has started.. erm but have noting in mind to buy leh... not really excited about it as well... scarely can save money ah... haha ...

2007-05-24T20:45:00.000-07:00

So much wanted to blog @ work today.. cos was quite free & tired due to not enough slp... wana make myself awake by blogging however boss is around the whole day....

Okie... start from Tuesday.. I reached home & my aunt was watching TV in the living room... as usual I went to bath... after finish, I wanted to hang my clothes when I passed by my aunt's room... erm its dark inside however I spotted a figure sitting on the bed.... only to realise that its my mum... think she jus woke up... & she came up to me & said 'Give back me the keys.. my things going to settle soon.....' & she went back to the room... I quickly hang my clothes, took the keys except the letter box 1, & pass to my aunt.... My aunt told me y dun pass to my mum directly... I ignored, went straight to my room & locked myself... Minutes later, my aunt kept knocking on the door.... I continued to ignore.... Believe my mum asked her to ask me about the letter box key... I initially felt very angry when I saw my mum... & also felt she aged alot.... abit pity but there is muc more anger.... after that I cried.... felt sad & hurt... y must things end up like tat.... I locked myself in the room the whole nite.... I was thinking how will she be feeling when she left my aunt's place last nite.... Her own daughter who do not wan to see her at all... will she feel sad as well??? Next morning my uncle asked if I tok to my mum.. erm... mus be my aunt tell him 1 ah.... if my mum had really wanted to tok to me..... her first sentence to me is not to demand the keys back already... if she had thought over it previouly, she would not have raise to me about money issue already... but in the end she still did... does she really wan things to end up in such horrible manner??? Toked to Dear that nite.... though he couldnt help anything but he is there to lend me a listening ear... This is enough & he accompany me tok so that I dun brood over it.... :) I finally told him that I have been staying at my aunt's place... I dun wan to bluff him anymore ah.... tok to him about my mum again yesterday over dinner... well as usual, he never comment much except that if he were me, he will give my mum a slap... haha... but he told me not to think about it already... else I no appetite again.. later dun wana eat & have gastric again... & while saying, he kept feeding me eat.... hehe.... Like tat enough liao, I am happy....

We went to watch Pirates of the Caribbean last nite... its a 2210hrs show & lasted for 3 hours.. the show not bad ah.. but I prefer SpiderMan... Dear said both movies are equally nice... well the monkey in the Pirates is definitely very cute.... hehe.... by the time show ended, is already 1am plus.... we still need to work the next day.... anyway stayed over at his place... cos first of all is nearer, secondly I dun like to give my aunt's dog bark..esp late at nite & wake the whole family up.... & most importantly, I wana spend more time with Dear.... :)

When reached his place, cant slp ... probably past sleeping time liao lor.... anyway forced myself to slp... think in the end 3+ then fell aslp.... woke up at 7.30 this morning... but kept waking up in between... this explains my tiredness today... with very heavy head as well.... actually while typing this entry, I can feel my head getting heavier again.... back to this morning, before I left for work, kissed him jus like the past... & he sleepily pull me down beside him & hug/kiss me.... jus so loving..... He has made me happy & feel loved these few weeks... esp after Genting trip.... & I can tell that he is happy as well.... Hoping & wishing everything will remain as its now... :)

2007-05-21T23:23:00.000-07:00

Back to blog... pple who read my blog (if there is) might jus get sick of my posts.. cos I jus simply tok about my daily activities... nothing special.. but i dun care .. cos I wana be remembered of watever have happened... esp happy moments.. :)

continued from last sat whereby I went to PS for hair treatment... I reached there around 1.45pm when Dear called me at 2pm & ask if I am done... haha.. obviously no... so he came down to meet me at 3.30pm.... after which we headed to Toa Payoh to check out the hp prices... he is eyeing the Samsung SGH-Z720... yup... the 1 that I initally wanted to buy... well we spent less than an hr there... before we headed to Bugis... ya.. He see things damn fast 1.... he will get it during his next pay day... :) Once we reached Bugis, started our usual routine... walked to Suntec then Marina whereby bought tickets for '28 Weeks Later'.... Before that went Candy Empire & bought 2 cups of jelly beans for each of us.... :) Dear loves it... so do I.... 'ai wu ji wu' ma... Asked Dear if wana go holiday tis yr... really felt like going HK or Taiwan... but he said cant... cos he does not have leave at the moment.. well his company function abit different ah... the current period u have worked till = how many days of leave u can take at the moment... no advanced leave... so this yr he left with 4 days & that can only be taken when he worked till Dec.... only can wait till next yr then see how... Dear said can go lor... but those short 1 whereby Fri go... Sun come back.. sian leh....Really eager to go esp HK... I wana go Disneyland....
Anyway back to the movie.. well normal ah... nothing much to comment.... soso lor...

Went to his place after that.. Spent my whole Sunday there... Dear early morning went to play soccer liao... whereas me continue slping.... when he is back at 2pm, I jus woke up for lunch... after which fell aslp again... he oso fell aslp... hehe... 6+ he woke up to prepare dinner.... :) I love it when he cooked for me.... so sweet.... after that fell aslp in his arms again.... felt so comfortable with him around me that I could jus continue sleeping the whole day... sweetly.... :)
Asked Dear if I look better with my hair rebond(cos I will always ask the stylist to straighten my hair after treatment)... he said look nicer... but more ah lian oso.... :( I asked if he prefer I rebond or remain... well he prefer to leave as present.... so okie... I listen to him.....

Suppose to meet Ser today for dinner... I agreed however after that half -hearted... very tired ah.. esp in the morning... One of my staff is on training.. so I got to back up her.. Being a Monday, I got to run here & there... damn busy.... so I msg Ser to postpone to tmr instead... Didnt realise that she didnt receive my msg & she called me after work.... Sorry ger.. Didnt mean it... Really tired....
On the other hand, after I have msg Ser, Dear called & asked if I am busy today & if I wana meet him later... erm without thinking, I ask y? & is it that he not meeting me this Wed? Thats y wana make up for it.... he said no... hum... of cos I hear this I happy ah....actually very happy... its a surprise to me as well.... then believe he was busy after that.... say will call me later....ok lor... later on, around 6 he called & ask where I wana meet him or dun wana meet him.... wah.. he make it sound as if I am the one who wans to meet leh.... anyway we met at Tampines.... wana see him, moreover he has injured his leg.... poor boy... the sharp edge of the cargo poked his leg which kena a hole in it & cut right down.... Doc said might need stitches.. well will see how after 2 days.... when I saw him, he was limping... we had dinner then went home liao... when I reached home, finished bathing.... he called me... & asked y didnt I call him when I reached home... erm I jus bath finished mah... wats the hurry....hehe.... anyway I am happy that he is concerned... okie.. got to slp soon... long day today ah... although not tat long, but work has taken alot of active brain cells today... Nitez......

P.S: I start to miss him already....

2007-05-19T12:20:00.000-07:00

Here I was waiting for 1230 to knock off... so this will be a very short entry.. jus to kill time only.... will be going to do hair treatment with Ser.. it was a last minute arrangement cos Dear still wans to continue sleeping... tok to him jus now.. watever i ask him.. he simply jus reply dreamingly ... 'erm'.. ok lah... I understand... shall meet him later then...

Met him yesterday to catch the movie 'Blades of Glory'.... nice comedy... I proudly told Dear that I did not fell asleep for this movie leh... haha... cos the movie dun have any slow scences which allow me to...hehe...

Okie.. 1230 liao.. got to go catch transport liao....

2007-05-17T22:11:00.000-07:00

Think my stomach getting weaker... Have been feeling very uncomfortable these few days... feel bloated & always 'la tu zi'.... Actually since I moved to his place last yr, I keep having frequent diahorrea & vommiting.... Now even when I eat too full, will even 'lao zai' leh... In fact while typing this entry, my stomach is in pain.. :(

Watched 'Bridge to Terabithia' yesterday with Dear... bought the tickets first since I reached before him.. I jus told the guy over at the counter that I wan a pair of tixs for 'Bridge to Terabitha'... gave him my card.. happily signed & collected the tixs w/o looking at it.... then went to meet Dear.... when he met me, he hugged & kissed me... love the feeling.... felt loved... hehe.. ok.. so we went for dinner & after which he asked for the tixs... well I oso dun like to keep ah... i scare losing it... so I passed to him....& he took a closer look at it... erm the tixs are for 1845hrs movie!!!!! I actually wanted the 2115 hrs one lor... heng the tixs got state what time they were printed... imagine I bought the tixs @ 1918hrs & the person at GV can give me 1845hrs w/o even asking me... piang... isn'it common sense that most pple would want the next available time slot... if u cant confirm, then ask lah.....
Well back to the movie.. erm not really what I have expected it to be lor... cos the preview like very fantasy... however when watched liao.. hai~.. Watever fantasy in the movie can be seen in the preview already ... nothing more... its a disappointment... I looking forward in watching 'Glory of Blades'.. Hope it wun disappoint me... We took a cab after the movie... Dear looked so tried on the way back so I asked the cab driver to stop over at his place first... If only I was still staying at his place... hai~ Since our Genting trip, have been tinking of moving back to his place... I noe its not a wise decision... but I miss him so much after the trip... I do not want to control him on the time he spent w his frans... I jus wana see him... last time when I was staying his place, I dread going back when I noe he is not back home yet.... but now, if time to turn back, I would not mind it... I will just wait patiently at home for him to come back cos I simply jus wana see him...hug him.. kiss him... Believe previously was becos I need company but now just seeing him makes me happy (even he would probablybe playing PS2 at home)..... I can actually keep saying 'I love you' to him without getting tired cos thats indeed how I feel... I am the type whom would want to let my bf noe how I feel 1 lor... Dear would noe very well that this is me.... He might be sick with the long talks when I feel something is wrong... but its me lor... something not right, got to voice out mah... I dun like to keep to myself & dwell about it....

Tmr friday finally.... but duno meeting him or not cos he got company dinner.. duno until wat time.. but he did say if i wan, still can meet lah... jus cannot confirm the time only... hmm.... i Sat got to work leh... shall see how lor....
I just cant stop telling him .....................

2007-05-13T18:59:00.000-07:00

I m back from Genting... happy times always pass so quickly.... Didnt went to the theme park afterall... he dun feel like playing & i oso start to scare when I saw the rides.... on the first day there, vomitted the whole nite... oso duno issit cos of the food... but he oso ate the same thing... jus suddenly felt my stomach very bloated... even vomitted the medicine I took after 5 mins... so rested in the hotel room the whole nite... next day went to the casino.. spent the whole day there... not much luck... won abit initially but after which lost.. sad... the last day tried our luck again before catching the coach... but too bad..still no luck... hai~~~ Despite lost money, I enjoyed my trip there especially with him... though small actions like always holding my hand (he very long no hold liao), it makes me happy... Still remember when on the coach to Genting, I was looking at my hp when suddenly he came over just to give me a kiss... its so sweet... :)

Forgotten to mention, I dreamt of him & the bitch on our 2nd nite @ Genting... I hate the feeling in it & glad that its a nitemare... Yesterday on our way back in the cab, thought about the 1st & 2nd time when we went Genting.... tears started to flow down... Remembered the 1st time I was still staying at my home... 2nd time at his place & now I end up at my aunt's place.... just felt pathetic... & this feeling was so strong jus now when I was on my way back from his place... he is going to his fran's house though he did not tell me... & the sad part is he never ask me to go along... y??? His frans dun like me??? Dun he noe that I am staying all alone now & does he understand the feeling??? I need someone who can give me the security... I am not saying about financially but some1 I can rely on when I need him... When I am jus feeling so pathetic.. so all alone in this world.... I felt much more upset when I recalled he can even previously ask the bitch if she wans to join him & his fran for dinner.... but y not me???? I make him lose face???? There are so many questions in my mind which I wan to ask him.. but i noe I cant... Finally I sms-ed him... asking y dun he ask me along when he go out with him frans.. but till now he have not replied... I have been hesitating whether to sms or not initially..cos I dun wan to spoil the happy times in Genting but I cant help it... this is bothering me... Can he give me the security I wan??? I dun need anything except him by my side & be true to me.... Is this too much to ask????

2007-05-09T03:21:00.000-07:00

Here I am blogging again... :) this time got work to do ah... but dun feel like doing it at the moment.. bo bian.. boss on leave these few days so I oso damn slag... jus dun feel like doing anything... :P

Went to meet Ser yesterday at Clark Quay... since she will be there only around 8 so I went Chinatown to change money... still find the rates there higher... walked down to Central shopping center... Its a big building but very EMPTY & QUIET.... plus my arms & tighs are aching... duno y... just felt the muscle straining... Finally had our dinner @ Mahatten Fish Market... walked around Clark Quay before heading home...

Forgotten to mention that Central has a shop which from the outside is very blink blink... went in & saw that they are actually selling couple rings & necklace... Its really very nice & was thinking if by Dec we are still together , I will buy that for Xmas present... not cheap u noe... 1 ring cost around $200 leh... we previously have couple ring oso... but cheap cheap 1... hehe... moreover never wear liao... even before our breakup... :( so sad...

Erm duno wat to blog liao... thats the bad thing about blogging daily.. run out of wat to say... :p later meeting Ser for dinner @ Junction 8.. believe I will be there much earlier than her... so I should be shopping around there first lor... probably got to go home tonight & do packing...else I will only be left with tomorrow nite... & I can forsee that will be busy tomorrow.. got meeting in the morning & somemore got to give one of our overseas colleague & overview... so should not be blogging tmr liao... ok.. got to end here & concentrate on work liao....

2007-05-07T23:47:00.000-07:00

Boring is the word to describe my mood now... Despite being a Monday today, have nothing much to do **touchwood** in fact I have finished what that needs to be done before lunch time... i very efficient 1 mah... haha.. erm lets tok what I have been doing the past few days.. so long no update my activities liao....

Erm start from last Fri bah... well watched 'The Hills have Eyes 2' with him... He heard from his frans tat it's a very gore movie..so he wanted to see.. haha.. he is bian tai mah... me being the timid 1... will be always grabbing his arms esp those frightening scenes.. Remembered once when I was watching a horror flick & my arm was wrapped round him... suddenly my hand slap his chest when I kena scared... :p ok... back to fri... despite being a short date with him, I am happy... :)

As for sat, I got to work.. met up with Ser after that to do hair treatment.. Tracy came along since she do not have any programs as well... however Ser got to go off around 6+ since she is forced to go to her grandma's place to show face... so Tracy & I continued shopping.. bought 2 tops & some lingerie... spend $200.00 that day.... urgh... really no money liao.. bonus quick come... actually wanted to go clubbing after that... however didnt expect to buy so many stuffs later part of the day....so went home first lor... For me, if i go home liao.. very lazy to go out again 1.. so i kinda played my fran out lor.. believed he wun ask me go clubbing liao... so went home.. pack my stuffs & slept at 11+... early for a Sat nite rite??? :)

Went Ikea with him on Sunday to get mirror... cos my room has no mirror for me to 'hiao' in front of.. so poor thing rite??? I always use the reflections of the window & this could only be done in the nite... :(
Ate my favourite swedish meatballs at there.... yum yum... then walked around & gotten my mirror which can just stick on the wall.. no need all the drilling & screws... went to his place to rest & watch tv... sweet evening spent with him...i lying on his lap until it cramps... hehe... hugging him & the occasional muacks we exchanged... cant wait for wed to come... though I going Genting on thursday.. but will be spending my nite with him on wed then leave for Genting from his place.... *Sweet sweet*... I yearning for more sweet & happy moments with him.. I just cannot stop holding & hugging him... :)

P.S: i just mentioned to Sharon that I am afraid to tell pple that I am happy cos I scare after which I wun be.... funny logic rite? But thats what I thought lor... anyway I am REALLY happy now... !!!!

2007-05-03T11:29:00.000-07:00

Today went to Orchard after work to meet Ser & oso wana take the hair iron however the seller forgotten to bring it out... :( No straight hair tmr.. haha... everyone in office was saying I look better in straight hair (cos that time do hair treatment mah.. so the hair stylist went to straighten my hair)... but I oso dun wana do rebonding leh... straight hair sumtimes oso sian... so I decided to get a hair iron instead... erm sat then can get from the seller... anyway finally went to Forever 21 to get my jeans which I believed I had bought it 1mth ago, sent for alteration & till todate then collect... haha

As usual, went to COACH, LV & GUCCI to see see... erm tot of getting a bag... heard bonus is coming next week or at least latest by 3rd week of May... haha... though I am in debt already.. I still cannot resist the temptation of getting 1... initally tot of jus target 1 first.. in the end bought 1... saw this bag previously & liked it... Finally today without thinking I bought it... this cost much more than the first Gucci bag I bought... $1360... I noe its not worth it, moreover its cloth material except for the handle which is real leather... well did though of buying LV speedy... much cheaper .... came out a range which is also fabric material... i liked the black color 1.. but its jus so common lor... today jus 3 hours in Orchard, I can see so many pple carrying the same bag.... so I still prefer my new bag below... Love it... :)

2007-05-02T23:11:00.000-07:00

Exactly a week later I will be on my way to Genting... well though its Genting only really looking forward to it... wana relax & play those rides which previously I wouldnt dare.. Just thinking about the heights make me nervous... Nonetheless, I will still wana try.... :)

Actually wanted to blog this afternoon at work... erm have the kinda relived feeling at work after so long... prevoiously despite physically working however mind isn't concentrating on work, in fact it always went wild on other stuffs... Today for once, I did not think about us... at least not those negative tots... felt really at ease & can joke with my staffs... back to the old Cassie... hehe...Well reason being yesterday I spent an enjoyable day with him... Despite not doing much plus walking here & there aimlessly, I enjoyed... haha... Jus simply spending time with him can make me smile though only slept 3 hours that day before meeting him... Yup.. went clubbing the previous nite... went to so many places tat nite... butter factory, velvet, mos & living room @ Marriot... after which still had bak ku teh first before reaching home at 8am... the best part is I do not have to spend a single cent.... :)

Okie... back to I & him.. had a long tok with him again... duno how many toks I have with him liao... but this time round, I got to at least know more about him... & I am glad he told me about it.... its a good start isn't it... rather than he keep everything all to himself... :) Really looking forward to next week... Quick come..... hehe....

Genting

2007-04-25T08:23:00.000-07:00

Exploring 'Rock You' & having fun with it... Below is our trip to Genting last year.. well we are going again next mth... I am excited cos I really need a breather... after so many things... & i seriously hope that this trip will kinda improve our relationship as well...

2007-04-25T08:09:00.000-07:00

2007-04-21T21:00:00.001-07:00

just went my blog & read the last entry... erm tot of changing the layout of it.. but lazy.. haha... maybe one day when I really very free & in the mood, then probably will revamp it...

jus came back not long... met him for dinner yesterday & stayed over at his place... since he is playing soccer today so I left in the morning... later meeting Ser to do hair treatment, collect my jeans & window shopping bah.. no money... so sad :( Both Ser & I are broke & in debt.... hai~~~ Despite me having only a small amount left to survive till 30th, I lend him money... I noe many pple will say i stupid again... but I cant bear to see him go hungry.... jus hope he dun take it for granted...

Has a very long tok with him on Thursday... most of the time was me doing the toking... I expressed out everything trying to make him understand but it seems he can never do/change... thats when i noe I have to leave him or bear with it... Saadiah told me its up to me now... for me to make a choice & not him already... well, as expected I am still choosing to be with him... but frankly my feelings for him has decreased... same goes for him.... He likes me but not loves me... Hearing this, of cos am upset & I am so desperate that I went search thro internet to find how to improve relationships... I am trying hard each time to think of ways to improve this relationship....

Each time I kept thinking why the way he treats me now is not like wat its like initally... I wished it will be last time.. but I noe it will not be anymore... cos thats the honeymoon period... If only this period could last forever.... Last nite he asked me to squeeze the pulse behind his ear... its damn big & swollen... the process of he tolerating the pain & me trying to get the pulse out.... I was holding the needle wanting to poke a hole in the pulse... but even before the needle could touch his ear, he went 'ouch'... haha ... its so funny & somehow I have the feeling like as if we were back like last time... I wished such moments will happen more often...

Yesterday nite I suddenly feel like buying PSP.. siao rite?? duno .. jus see so many gers holding the pink PSP.. like very nice leh.. I recently oso nearly bought the samsung Z720.. but cos of him, I decided not to... Phone is secondary, He is primary... Come to think of it.. maybe will not get the PSP also... same reason as the phone... hai~~...

Got to get ready liao.... Byeeeee

2007-04-17T08:43:00.000-07:00

Though its been only 2 weeks plus since we got back together but it seems so long to me... of cos is not that I dread being with him... but there were many ups & downs... found out things which made me upset but since I made this choice, I have to expect all these coming... Well. said easier than done... each time i end up in tears... I changed for him.. to trust him... not to confront him .... i am trying my very best to change... to be a good gf .. jus for him... no one has been approving of me getting back with him... not a single soul.... but like Ser said, dun care wat others say, jus do watever I wan... & yes, wat I wan now is him... to be with him....

Last week I started seeing changes in him... & I appreciate the effort he made... I am happy to be with him.. jus spending time with him watching dvd... with him hugging & kissing me... its all so sweet... though a simple weekend but very sweet... duno how many times i mus emphasize 'sweet'... anyway probably my screw abit loose yesterday & I made a big hoo-haa... I blared out everything & kinda relieved that I let him noe how I feel.... Everything is fine now & like wat he said, he all along treats me as his gf...

I wana blog all these down so that I am able to read thro the happy moments I had with him... be it wat the outcome will be between both of us in future... Ser sms-ed me jus now telling me to treasure what I have with him.... Yes. I definitely will treasure it.... glad that he is making an effort... & lastly I am hoping our relationship will work out....

2007-03-31T10:37:00.000-07:00

Duno how to start this entry... many things happened after 10th Mar...my mood was affected each time I get to noe something... finally i decided to end all these.. to stop contacting him.... no more frans.. cos this is torturing me & probably deceiving myself as well....

In the end, it didnt turn out this way.... We talked very long that day & somehow or rather, we agreed to try out again... to make this relationship work.... Of cos, I am happy but really afraid that history will repeat itself again.... Saadiah told me she saw how I went through this breakup & would not wan to see it happen again.... I oso really hope so.... I noe I should protect myself since I am slowly getting over it but my heart just wouldn't listen.... I noe I might be hurt terribly once again but I still follow my heart.... I am a failure in relationship... I cannot do/think logically when it comes to matters of the heart.... I choose this & I have to be strong to face the consequences...

This time round, I can say I noe him more & oso the problems we had.... I have oso learn to be more understanding & less demanding.... If this time round were to fail again, at least I did try my best to make it work.... Say me stupid or watever, but that is me....

2007-03-21T23:07:00.000-07:00

Have been feeling very down these 2 days... kept asking myself wat actually I wan... I seriously duno.... To wan him back??? No.... but i jus cant make myself happy.... My expression on my face is always sian, like wat Ser commented... I am confused... very confused.... i really do not wan him back though I kept thinking about the past... I can picture myself if things were to be back to normal... I have used to wanting to end our relationship as well... can remember that I wrote a few entries in this blog about things he had done to meke me really upset but eventually I deleted those posts when things have been resolved... I only wanted happy memories to be on my blog.... but somehow he has runied wat I wanted... Now are all posts of my confused feelings... When I talked to him on the phone, I was not happy as well... the tone/way he spoke hurts me... no care/concern from him... I told myself no one can hurt me again... i must be strong & happy cos only I can make myself happy.... but at times, my mind will jus sink back to the past.... believe this jus cannot be helped.... everyone around me can do it... so can I rite??? After all he is not the right guy for me... y waste my tears on him??? I wana be strong... God, pls help me to be strong again!!!!!

As you can see, my mind is confused thus the things I wrote will oso made whoever is reading this entry confused... who cares.. i jus write watever that comes into my mind...

Back to the old days

2007-03-19T23:24:00.000-07:00

Saturday went clubbing with Ser & uncle Erik... ya... I am in contact with my old frans again... I have abandon them & gone missing when I was with him... cos simply he dun like them.... but luckily my frans all understanding enough to accept me back as their fran again... See.... one of the sacrifices I had made which he did not realise it ... probably he find its nothing... anyway we went to explore Movida & the rest of the pubs at St James... Not bad a place to chill out...however due to used to living in a 'lost' island (this is described by Erik), I cannot take the alcohol well... wat do u expect.. so long never drink... however that nite drank my favourite black label... initally was ok.. then Erik go 'ta' with me... wah.. cannot tahan liao... go toilet & vomit alittle... yes.. I am tat lousy....

There are sometings which I cannot mention over here... Ser will noe wat... anyway I met him the next day to pack my remaining stuffs.... I kept looking at him, confirming if I still have feelings for him.. afterall it all started with his cute looks which made me fall head over heels for him... conclusion is no... no more the heart racing feeling anymore....I truly noe we can never be happy even we r back together cos simply we are not suitable... only feeling i have is jealousy... jealous that he can find someone so fast(less than a week after we broke off).. other than that.. no more other feelings....

Talked to Vincent today.. found that we are happily sacas-ing each other... & realise that I have not been talking in this way for so long... & that is then my normal way of talking... sacas in english.. haha... I am thinking if i were to tok in such manner to Calvin... how will it turn out... I do no want to elaborate but frans who noe him will noe how it will turn out like... therefore I have not been talking in this way for so long.... Calvin & I are still frans thus I do not wan to offend him in any ways.....

Okie... I am tired... Last nite duno y cannot slp... today got to slp earlier to compensate my lost slp.... Nitez....

2007-03-16T20:05:00.000-07:00

Its been a week since we broke off...No chance for me to change... He didnt want to give... he said he is tired of it by giving in too much... Is this really the reason??? Or partly cos there is this bitch waiting for him as well.... He has diverted his feelinsg to her very quickly.... probably she has been consoling him whenever he has problems with me... there is where feelings develop... he said he felt very comfortable with her, felt that she trust him alot & its like 'tian zhu ding'... when i heard that, my heart hurts & but tears jus cannot come out anymore... its 'tian zhu ding' that they lost contact for 2 yrs & met again in PS.... I was there as well when they saw each other... well dun ask me how this bitch looked like cos she didnt catch my attention at all... a normal plain jane... not to forget this bitch has liked him all along... wat can i say??? all these are 'tian zhu ding'??? haha.. i jus find it so exaggerating...

Initally i cannot take this break up... I begged him not to leave me cos I truly still love him alot... yes, i noe that i do not have any pride anymore... he treated me very coldly each time he saw me... he said that he was very happy when he is out with his frans, i guess probably with that bitch but when he saw me, all the problem jus flow into his mind...

Finally I decided to let him go & that nite he cried badly... after which asked y he cried, he jus commented that he is jus being emotional... well... I have nothing to say... the past few days I couldn't eat nor sleep... I kept crying, picturing them together & even during work, i didnt control my emotions... all my colleagues are very concern about me... I can tell... & i appreciate it... after that nite he told me that they 2 are 'tian zhu ding', i told myself that we are in fact unsuitable.... i kept telling myself that & i tried to get support from my frans on this but of not much help since they can only see on the surface... On thurs nite, I was really damn sad... looking thro the photos we taken, I msged him & we tok... only that nite, then he has proven we are in fact not suitable.... He still very childish & at times I cannot understand his thinking... I believe many cannot understand it as well.... to him, if there is a problem in the relationship, he will solve it himself & not tell the other party about it... jus like ours... he find there is problem but he jus kept giving in without discussing with me... until it ended up in this way. When i told him about it, trying to make him understand this but he jus simply said, 'ya lor.. thats y we r not suitable'. Hai, to him, he is thinking that I still wana be with him.... yes I do still wan but ever since that nite's talk, I realise that we cannot be together... probably as a fran, i will noe him better.. he said that he will tell his frans the problem he has but he wun wan them to help him solve.... he jus need a listening ear... erm... so thats y frans will noe him better....

Initally I tot that he really gave in alot to this relationship but now I realise that I did gave in as well.... jus that he cannot tell.... I have been adapting to his lifestyle, communication etc until I am so used to it already... i did not realise that i was giving in till now.... From the start i noe that we are having communication problems.. I realise that he sometimes do not understand wat I was trying to say whereby later on i have to rephase for him a few times before he got wat i meant... i noe of this hence whenever i wana say something, I will automatic simplify the sentence in my mind before speaking out.... welll, but to him, I did not give in to this relationship.... there are oso many minor issues thats upset him which I think its really nothing & he take such things so heavily... He is still not mature yet... his exs are all older than him & eventually ended due to characters not suitable...i believe tat he needs to get someone younger than him... which can understand him & hopefully he can be more mature as time comes.....

He is one person whom is contented with life... i asked him this... Eg he is now working in this current job & he noes that he will be stagnant forever (getting the same pay & no promotions) but he is happy working in his current job... Now he has another job offer which has better prospect but of cos not sure wat will the working envirnoment be like ... I asked him which will he choose... He chose to be contented with staying at his current job... to him, most important is to be happy.... thats not the bf I am looking for, I wan my bf to aim higher & accept new challenges.... He has changed 4 jobs since I have been with him... & his pay has an increase of $500 within a yr without having much experience... I cannot say credit all goes to me but I am there pushing him whenever there is job opportunites for him but he feels irrirated when i do all these ....

he did sacas me at times that we belong to 2 different world which I believed both of us know about it before we started our 1yr, 1mth & 6 days relationship... he would always say i am starbucks & he is coffee shop... & that I am not interested in pasa malam things.. only go for shopping center things... well. i tot that we can adapt to each other lifestyle... at least i am trying to but seems like he dun appreciate & find that this is still a barrier to our relationship.... Probably....

I am feeling much better now... due to all the incompatibilies... i tell myself even without this bitch, we cannot be happy together... unless he can change but he is stubborn when comes to thinking... so a younger gf might be suitable for him eventually... of cos at times, i still cry & think about the happy moments together... but time will heal all these, isnt it??? I believe so & so are all my frans.. I thanks them for being there for me whenever they can.....

Change for the Better

2007-03-09T23:23:00.000-08:00

Regretted letting him read my last entry... Regretted spoiling our BKK trip with it... I realised that I love him alot & cannot afford to lose him... I promised to change... more gentle, understanding, think positively & definitely being more mature... I talked to tons of people on this.. Thanks everyone whom has lent a listening ear to me.... Since I dun wan to lose him, I have to change.. Hopefully everything will turn well with the changes I have made... I have been telling Ser previously that I have thoughts of leaving him but when the actual time comes, only to realise how much I love him.... It has partly been my fault that things turn out this way.. I admit...which I terribly regretted it... Just hope that he dun take me for granted with the changes I have done...

6 more days to go...

2007-02-25T23:30:00.000-08:00

Looking forward to this Saturday cause we are going to BKK.. Just came back from Chinatown where we went to change Thai bhats & also bought a luggage... :)

CNY was not bad.. would say its different this time cos I went visiting this year...not tat I have never go visitng before but it has been quite a number of years I stopped doing so...

erm before started to write this entry, have alot of things in mind to blog but now my mind totally blank... so pls dun mind if u r reading this & find that the contents do not link... I jus write watever that is going thro my mind now...

With regards to the previous entry, would say partly was a misunderstanding... we did talk things out & hoped everything works out... so far still so good ah... Not to forget he gave me a bouquet of flowers for valentine's day... its handmade by him.. collegues & frans say that it was very sweet of him to do it himself which I agree as well...

Think thats about it lah.. mind went blank again.. haha... Nitez....

2007-02-08T04:53:00.000-08:00

Kept asking if I am asking for too much....I try to change... to tolerate but its me & I think its getting overboard.... but does he realise it??? I am very hurt with his actions & probably the best way out is to end it... Have been in tears these past days.... on & off... Each time is becos of that friend whom he think I am finding fault with... I am really lost....

Undescribable Feeling

2007-01-30T12:52:00.000-08:00

Here I am in my office typing this... called Singtel yesterday to have my home line cancel... well simply cos I am not staying there & the bill amount has been piling due to no payment made at all... My mum has been using the line & though its a small amount, I dun see the need to having to pay these additional charges.. Moreover her hp usage is always very little & with free incoming calls, I dun see any problem.... Did I mention before that she went to cancel all our joint bank accounts??? Well, after realising it, I am damn heart pain.. is as if she is servering all ties with me... So with all these reasons, I finally made the decision to cancel... Oh... Not to forget, I smsed her a few mths back saying I has cancelled the line however she replied back asking me not to... well softhearted me went to call Singtel to resume back the service... see thats me... hai~

Well, back to the subject... I just called back home to test & indeed line has been terminated... duno y but my heart sink... I suddenly felt sad? disppointed? bad? i duno exactly what I am feeling but i just dun feel good... is like now that my home line is cancelled & what if my mum change her hp number?? then there is no way I can contact her... (tat like as if I wan to now lah) but i just in such a dilemma situation.. I am as if cutting all ties/communication with her... how?? What should I do??? Also CNY is coming.. should I do anything??? We do not celebrate CNY & past years have been watching TV at home... but its a new year.. shouldn't be it having a brand new start with everyone in harmony???

Boring Sunday

2007-01-28T00:42:00.000-08:00

Here I am typing this post while my boy is sleeping beside me... Sunday.. argh.. tomorrow got to go back work again.... Tot of eating Yuki Yaki for dinner but these few days stomach dun feel good.. eveytime eat already.. will pain like hell & end up going to the toilet... Sian.. all this started off with last Fri whereby I met Olive & Sam for dinner @ Ice Cold Beer.. after which didnt felt well & ended up vomitting 5 times & countless diahorrea that nite.. the next morning went to see the doc who simply bo chap what i tell her... jus told me dun eat this & that.... fine.. Went home to take medicine.. but still very in pain until I got to that nite went to see a 2nd doc whereby I requested for injection... the pain is unbearable already ah... following day seems fine however just ate a bun for the entire day.. no appetite ah... But never expect to end up having diahorrea again on early Monday morning.... so bo pian took mc again... & this 3rd doc gave me 2 days MC... hehe... hey my body still felt very weak on Monday okie... not trying to fake MC 1 hor... I told Olive & Sam never to go that place eat again... my stomach jus cannot take it the food there ah....

Btw went shopping with Ser yesterday... & guess wat.. I bought a Coach bag.. hehe.. actually I already have the intention to get a small bag for CNY & wanted to see LV & Gucci... Fancy 2 LV bags for its too ex liao ah.. over 1k... I cannot afford now since I just bought my Gucci less than a mth ago... as for Gucci, nothign caught my eyes.. until I went to Coach whereby I saw this bag & fell in love with it... hehe... price oso ok ah... close to $400.... Even my boy oso said its nice...Happy me got my bag already.. now I have to start shopping for clothes & shoes.... :)

**My new Coach Bag**

**My Gucci Bag**

My Gucci Bag

2007-01-11T20:09:00.000-08:00

Finally I bought my first Gucci bag & it comes up to a 4 digit figure... $1170... Though abit heartache but sooner or later, I will buy it... The same day I bought my bag, something happen again & caused me to cry the whole nite even when I woke up the next day... However its somehow or rather been solved...

Now I am waiting for my boyboy to come back...so sian... waiting to have dinner with him... hai~ Btw realised that I could not sleep in peace when he is not home... dun ask me why oso... There are a few times he went downstairs to meet his frans & tok... & I was super tired & I did fell asleep.. but I keep waking up... however after knowing that he is back, I will be sleeping soundly... Funny rite???

Btw just now on my way home taking bus 25, I was coming down from the upper deck when I saw someone kept looking at me. I turned & saw my mum who turned away... Heng the bus stopped & I faster went down... Duno how to react when saw her.. Duno if she knew that I saw her as well.. erm.. what will she think seeing me carrying my new Gucci bag??? Somemore never give her $$ liao... Anyway she oso not concern about me..never call me at all.. only time she call is to ask$$ from me... so hackcare ah...

Okie... My boyboy's back & he is drenched due to the heavy rain... Poor thing... I wana go lie in his arms liao.. :)

Sian....

2007-01-05T14:27:00.000-08:00

Today on leave.. i noe is jus the beginning of a brain new yr but guess due to the long holidays, I just feel very nua... No mood to work...

I had deleted the last 2 posts yesterday since everything now is back to normal btw me & him... However something happened last nite again... He told me to go home aft work, change & then meet him at Heartland Mall for dinner... so I met him at about 7.30.. He was playing LAN with his frans.. fine.. I waited then... cold, hungry, sleepy while waiting.. not to forget my throat sore... going to fall sick again... i fell aslp while waiting & they finally finished @ 9.30.... Great.. Finally I can have my long-awaited dinner... While having dinner, realise another of his fran coming down.... Quickly asked him whats the program after dinner... He said duno.. see first... Only to realise later that I got to sit there for 3 hours watching them play billard... Seriously, I was almost on the verge of flaring up... He only mentioned dinner without all this waiting... I asked him if he is in my position wun he feel angry?.. he said no & that he will join in with me .. Kao... of cos lah... we are talking about game leh... if ask him to acc me shopping, he sure flare up 1.. that time he waited for me & Olive to do our shopping @ Mango for half an hour, already face black black.. let alone for 5 hours.. just like what he did to me... Guys can never be sensitive enough... Sometimes, just felt bored with him... I would tend to ask my married frans if they get bored of their other half at times...Haven a year with him, I already have such feeling already.. Probably cos we are staying together already & get to see each other everyday... There is pros & cons to it lah....

Okie.. He just called to ask if I wan my favourite bubble tea... haha... sometimes small things he do will jus pacify me lor.. I am those very easily to 'hong' 1.... :) Even though how pissed I was last nite, I today will be ok liao.. but make sure next time he dun show me face when shopping ah... else I sure shoot back him 1.... I was telling Saadiah that till now, I still find him very cute esp when he is asleep... hehe... Though i just mentioned tat I am bored with him at times... Its more like always doing the same old activities.. Sian mah... But nonetheless, I still love my baby....

He is back with my lunch.. **Hungry hungry** Bye.. :)

Ready???

2006-09-27T08:21:00.000-07:00

Quarrel with my mum due to $$ issue again... I am so fed up with this unreasonable woman until the thought of leaving home & not giving her a single cent came to my mind... I have given her $$ every mth without fail.. without any complaints... however just becos of the amount given was $100 lesser for ONE fucking mth.. she made a big fuss... Wat the FUCK man!!! I rent a room outside is much cheaper than this bloody house... Dun tell me to site down & talk to that woman cos its no use... She is UNREASONABLE & not that I have not tried before.. I did told her before that the amount she requested is too much but she insisted... I dun wan to waste my breath talking to such woman.... She warned me that she did not disturb my life therefore make sure I dun disturb hers as well.. Wat the hell... giving her less $100 means disturb her life!!! hello.. who is the one who is always buying so many clothes & countless pairs of shoes... WHO is the vain pot who always buying fucking health suppletments, slimming pills & exercise equipments???? I myself have barely the money to do all these crazy shopping....

Talked to him about this incident.. somehow it led to the topic of buying house.. . which at the moment is impossible... then he suddenly said he wans to settle down.. i am shocked... nothing to say.... I oso duno wat myself wans... is he the one???

Too Many Thoughts...

2006-05-09T00:52:00.000-07:00

Happy to have my Calvin with me... these past mths were great....feel so blissful... Whenever I go to work, will always look forward to noon time.. thats when we will meet for lunch together... after which will be aiming for knock off time... whereby we will go pah-toh after that .. hehe.. I miss him whenever I dont see him... guess I am just so in love with him... I love just staring at him... looking at his boyish face with the cheeky smile... overall my boy is soooo cute... I love him... :)

On the other hand, I dreamt of Kenneth twice...can still remember in both dreams, he is still my bf....weird rite? does my heart seriously wish this is true, thats why I had such a dream? I dun think so.... I am just too into Calvin already... Come to think of it.... this Sunday (14th May) will be one yr since we broke off... how time flies... if nothing had happened, we would have been together for 4.5 yrs already.... Everytime I think of this, I have fear of history repeating itself... What if such thing happen again? What if only after years then we broke off? Can I stand up again? Many things had happened between the period Kenneth & I broke off till before Calvin came into my life... thinking back now, all the things I do are so unlike me... so stupid...so foolish... think just wasn't in the right state of mind then... I cross my fingers & pray such things will never happen again... hoping that Calvin will be mine forever......

Back....

2006-03-25T18:52:00.000-08:00

I am back after a mth since my last entry... wonder if anyone will be reading this entry since hasnt been any updates for a long time... There are times when I tell myself that I will blog after work...but eventually I fell asleep when reached home... hehe.... I am jus plain lazy.... Anyway life has been so so... No clubbing for a mth plus already.... kinda missed it... Friday & Saturday seem meaningless now... Now my new past time is mahjong... haha.... I am actually having a session later in the evening with my colleagues... :p Also I have put on weight again... :( Cannot... Mus really work on something already.... my mouth jus seems to be so itchy every minute....

My work now is horrible... Pat is quitting & Saadiah is taking over his place.. so Elaine is taking over her place.. meaning she is going to be my supervisor.... at the moment will be acting supervisor first.. see if she can cope... somehow or rather I feel sad.. even though I noe that I am slacking in my work... I noe that I am not performing as well as last time... I jus do not have the heart to work anymore... but still I feel sad... afterall people used to think I will be the next one... & my manager think so initially as well.. but eventallu I have proved everyone wrong... Well... I will see how.. might change to another job or still stick onto the current 1...

Btw Calvin also quitted his job already.. no longer working with me already... :( but the good news is that he found a new job within 1 week.... part of the credit goes to me oso... cos I help him do his resume 1 leh... if no gd, the company oso wun call him up for interview rite? this new job is much better than the previous 1... office job plus higher pay... & still working in the same area as me... 5 mins walk from my office.. haha... but he got alot of OT to do ah... bo pian... doing export stuffs... always have to work late 1... Hopefully he will be working happily in this new company....

Lastly some of the pics we told in Malacca....

**View from the balcony of our condo**

**View from the balcony of our condo**

**While waiting for the sambal clams to be cooked**

**What we won in the fun fair**

**He likes this pic.... **

**At the Maritime Museum**

**Being forced to take**

**Malacca's Landmark**

**Nice scenary**

**Act cool**

**Bai Ma Wang Zi???**

**His favourite pic...**

Happier me...

2006-02-23T09:20:00.000-08:00

Am suppose to do some work stuff but just dun feel like doing.. instead tot of leaving a short entry here.... hehe...

Life has been alrite... yesterday went to have dinner with Karen & frans @ Al Dente... actually is to celebrate Karen's bday... ambience not bad but food not worth it... anyway at least we tried the place... Bought her a Precious Moments Snowglobe.... very nice leh.. guess she can start a Precious Moments' collections already... Have been getting her things from there recently... Its just so cute lor....

Suppose to meet Ser today.. Its been very long that we last met.. however its always either party unable to make it... as for today, I have cancelled the meeting cos I am super tired with last nite's dinner... oso duno y... Anyway heng never meet oso... my right eye now v.swollen... covering 1/4 of my view.. hope it subside tomorrow...

One of my ex collegue commented that I looked happy... happier than the last time he saw me which is like 2 yrs plus ago when I was with Kenneth... erm... I am still thinking if wat he said is true... Anyway last week Vin & I have planned to go for a short trip to Malasya since his uncle has a vacant condo there... both of us have applied leave... collecting the keys from his uncle tomorrow...almost arranged everything EXCEPT telling my mum... I have never gone out of SG w frans before & she will never let... frans who know me well should noe how tough it will be to get permission from my mum.... I have been wanting to tell her but always dun have the courage to open my mouth.. afraid she will reject me straight in the face....
Finally I tried just now.. & guess wat... she merely asked who I am going with & where... then she didnt say anything liao... haha... I succeed... so happy ... havent tell Vin yet though... Ok.. Now I am super excited about our short trip... really got to plan already... another week more before we head our way to Malaysia.... not to forget mus treat my mum nicer... :p
BTW tomorrow will be my first Friday nite spending it at home after so many months... No clubbing for me.. at least for the next 2 weeks... unless he goes... :( i abit sad lah.. but bo pian.. he wasnt happy when I went last week... so got to be guai guai ger....

ok.. got to stop.. its meant to be a short entry only leh... go slp liao... tomorrow morning wake up extra early to do my report lah....

Yawnzzzz...

2006-02-11T23:40:00.000-08:00

Currently waiting for Pat to call... Still duno where to go later... Actually I should be @ Andrew's wedding dinner but too tired already... Took a very short nap just now & couldnt wake up.. whole body & head aching... so I skipped it... :p its oso damn far lor.. Rasa Sentosa... wah.. just the tot of it.. sian..... anyway later clubbing session should be quite fun.. with all my colleagues.. hehe....

Continue from my last entry... well that nite Vin wasnt at Devils... in fact he called me after his mahjong session... :) he has been calling me everyday... erm to cut things short... we are together... for 1 week already... He has been very sweet to me... & it feels so good to have a bf who stay opposite me... everyday can see him.. somemore work in the same company.... Btw this is my 1st bf who is younger than me ... Karen is so excited that I joined her club... :( Anyway like wat she said, as long as I am happy can liao... hope this will last...

Seems to have many things to update but now cant think of anything at all... hai~....
ok.. Pat called.. gtg...

Just for Company???

2006-02-02T00:40:00.000-08:00

its been more than a week since I last blogged....been wanting to however always no time... hehe... was thinking could blog during the CNY since I dun go 'bai nian' 1.... but ended up too occupied with things already....

Past week was ok... erm can considered a pleasant 1... :) He has been calling me everyday... we would go home together if I finished off at 5.30... there are times we will meet for dinner & chat till midnite nearby my house....was feeling quite sad on saturday as I realise I got to wait till Wed then can see him again... damn this is the first time I am asking myself y mus have long holidays... haha... however it didnt turn out that bad.. he called me on sat nite, i.e CNY's eve... I was sleeping at that time cos the nite before only slept 3 hrs... (frans should noe y ah... hehe).....anyway we talked for awhile before realising I have not had my dinner... so I asked him out since he havent had his either... ya.. so like somehow I had my reunion dinner with him... :p.... chatted till ard 1am before walking back home...

First day of CNY went to fran's hse help him do project however I wasnt of much help ah.. cos I have almost forgotten everything what I have studied in NP already... felt quite bad.... anyway Calista called & jio mahjong in the evening... I agreed & was on my way there when she called & say she got something on.. will only join me later.. so I am suppose to go meet her frans first whom I have never seen before... heng they are a friendly bunch... played thro the nite... ard 8am next day then reached home....

Didnt catch much slp cos of some work stuff which my colleague has to disturb me from my beauty sleep.... after which he called as well... so we chatted for awhile before I get ready to Karen's place for another mahjong session... haha... my hands damn itchy recently... that day won abit... enough to cover my expenses for later part of the nite's activities... :p hehe... headed to DXO ard 12 midnite... thats my first time to that place... & oso will be my last... inside is damn stuffy... & I almost fainted... suddenly i felt damn uncomfortable & vision was damn dark & blur... anytime I could just drop down on the floor.... eventually I forced my way out of the place for fresh air.... woah.. outside was definitely much cooler than inside... slowly I got back my vision but whole body no strength... the feeling really damn scary man... anyway dun find there nice as well... i still prefer my current favourite hangout... Devils... hehe... Reached home ard 5am...

Was damn tired that I woke up ard 4pm the next day... after awhile he called... & we went to have our dinner... & as usual chit-chat... imagine... we met at ard 5.30... & talked until 1am... wah... thats really long leh.. but enjoyable... haha... I am happy when with him... even when I reached home last nite... I couldnt sleep... duno izzit too happy or just that I am not used to sleeping early... anyway I woke up today in a happy mood... dun ask me y... jus feel happy.... but at times... I kept asking frans... asking myself... is he interested in me? or he jus wan company? really duno wats the answer... time shall tell me the answer evetually....

He called me jus now but I missed it... called him back & ask y he called... erm he said he duno oso... then after that say jus wana see if I have finished work... cos he didnt see me in the 5.30 bus... :) anyway guess he is now at Devils, his 2nd home... hai~... he is really a chiongster... too much already.. though I often club but he is much worse than me... we shall see how lah....
Nitez Guys...

Boring Saturday Nitez

2006-01-21T20:46:00.000-08:00

I cant remember when was the last time I spent my Sat nite at home... It seems like ages... anyway here I am stuck at home whole day cos CNY is approaching & am being forced to do spring cleaning... Sian... So many years never go 'bai nian' liao & neither do any relatives come to our house.. so why still need to do spring cleaning...???? Just the normal cleaning will do liao lor... hai~ ... But this does not mean I this week never go clubbing... :)

Karen sms-ed me last min on Thursay asking if wana go Dbl O... cos she meeting her ex-colleagues... Pat & frans oso joined... that nite at Dbl O was super duper quiet.. no pple 1... boring.. heng ladies free entry... so we headed to MW... never expected there is equally quiet as well.. guess the whole MS is dying soon already.... Overall not fun...headed home ard 12 plus.. BTW saw the q outside Dbl O suddenly was damn long when we are going off... mostly Malays... cos that nite's theme is hiphop and R&B ah....

On Friday, I was half-hearted whether to go Devils or not... I confirmed with Calista already beforehand.. but on the other hand.. I very tired leh... didnt have enough sleep for the past 2 nites... then 9pm, she called me to find out that I am still slping... she kept saying not to play her out.. so ok lor.. I got up.. get ready & went down... Calista came w 3 guys.. but all haven 21 yet... in the end the guys got to head to other place... my fran oso cant help even though he is quite a 'well known' member there... so in the end he only signed both me & Calista in.. & this ger after awhile went off liao... wah.. I damn du lan at that point of time lor.. heng before that I ask Jin to come down.. else I be left alone... saw my colleague, Vin again... hehe... he came over to our table & all 3 of us talked cock for almost 3 hrs... Jin did a 'big' favour for me by hinting to Vin that I am interested in him.. haha.. damn pai sia.... Jin & I left ard 4 plus.. before that Vin signalled me to keep in contact thro phone... then i told him to call me ah... cos I will never call his house 1... (btw he cut off his hp line liao)... nonetheless i took his house number ah... then I 'suan' him by saying 'but I noe u a busy man ah... so no time to call me 1 lah...' He said he aft 27th will be free liao.. so I told him we shall see lor... :p Stomach was making noise when Jin & I left Devils.. so we went Mac for our early breakfast... Something hilarious happened at Mac... shall not go into it.. but was laffing like hell until my stomach aches... Before we went off, the Mac delivery guys even told us to come back next time for some laughter...

Woke up at 12pm today by my mum... super tired man... but the 1st thing I tot of was Vin when I woke up... :p was lazing ard when my hp rang... saw his name flashing..i took a closer look at my hp to confirm... Yes.. Its him.. haha... he told me he reached home liao.. but cannot sleep... btw he has not slept for the whole nite lor... he super chiongster... stay at devils until 6 then went home & straightaway go work liao... anyway we talked cock for an hr before he went to slp... after the call, I kept smiling to myself.. oh no!! I am going crazy... haha... but in front of him, I mus keep my cool... Oops... did I mention he stays opp me? haha... so we sometimes go back together, i.e if i leave at 5.30 sharp lah... Cant wait for Monday... !!!! :p

Angry....

2006-01-15T23:07:00.000-08:00

Finally have the time & energy to write this entry... actually wanted to blog on sat afternoon when I am back from work.. cant wait to voice out the shitty Friday nite... but just no time....

Didnt have any plans on Fri nite.. Calista called & wanted to go club.. then Erik oso asked that nite go where... so in the end we headed to Dbl O cos I got free entry... Erik as usual put aeroplane again... anyway while waiting for Calista & fran outside Dbl O, I saw him queuing up...& immediately 'siam'.... dun ask me y i have such reaction.. I was just so scared to see him... my heart suddenly beat very fast & felt very cold... probably part of the reason is I was awfully dressed that nite cos in the 1st place didnt really have the clubbing mood... i called Cali & asked if we can change location... but they wanted Dbl O.. .. so I went in & kept a lookout for him... making sure I am at the other side of the room from him... however no matter where I was, I jus bump into his frans... so 'sway'... later part of the nite i was at the lounge part.. sitting down relaxing when I noticed that he was at the other side... lying flat on the sofa.. DRUNK... wonder if I am being over sensitive, i saw his group of gers suddenly turned & kept looking over at my direction... I cant help being sensitive cos I heard that they have been spreading rumours about me... not to forget 'adding salt & pepper' to it...but anyway watever they wan to say, I will just ignore... jus like frans who have advised... they are just being immature & if I am to get affected by the rumours, I am oso being childish which I am not & do not wan to... Recall back, its really really very true that always there will be 'something' when I go to Dbl O... close frans will noe wat r the 'things' lah... wonder wat will be the next 'thing' if I ever to go Dbl O again?

Headed to work the next day after slping for 3 hrs.. not that bad lah... better than only slping for 1 hr... reached home ard 3pm.. then Erik jio go party that nite... I wasnt preparing to club leh.. since last nite went already & very tired... but he said he bad mood.. intending to party like crazy... etc.. so ok lor... I jio Pat & David.. then Jess... & since cant find anyone to sign me in Devils that nite, we arrange to go before 9pm to get free entry... I called Erik at 7pm to tell him to reach by 8.30 .. he tell me he cant.. i was like wat!!! u at home now & u cant? plus u r driving man... & he started to ask me how much is the cover.. I wasnt sure so told him ard $20.. he tell me so ex & if he got to pay.. he might not be coming... I was angry that he put me aeroplane again.. then he said ok.. he will come... so in the end he reached Devils slightly after 9.. kena pay cover.. then dun wana go in.. called me to go Mac find him.. I ask him to meet me at Devils' entrance... he said he drinking coffee.. he damn 'da pai' .. i told him I oso drinking wat... then hang up... was super pissed off by him....sms him saying 'dun ever ask me out again'.... then he replied, saying he forgotten to take his wallet out.. he go home first then come over.. when i saw that .. i was laughing inside... he think I 3-yr old kid.. so easy to bluff ah... i told him 'we shall see about it'... & his final sms was 'really ah....' haha... biggest joke of the nite... in the end no news from him at all.. dun even have the courtesy to sms me he is not coming... jus disappear... Recalling back.. this bloody guy even told me earlier on not to play him out... in the end who play who out!!! F**ker... Imagine, I come out... jio everyone out.. all cos of him... then he not there.... Today still have the cheek to msn me saying he went Tanjong Pagar yesterday... I duno how many umpteen times he have played me out... Saadiah said maybe he noe I got other frans with me ... so he find its ok.. but maybe when u r alone, he wun... Sorry to say...its totally untrue... even if I got frans with me... its bad to put aeroplane & worse not to tell pple u cant make it & jus disappear... or wait till I have to ask if u r coming or not... & he got play me out before when I am only supposedly going out with him... jus that when such incident happen, he will tell me he unable to make it... just before I about to get out of the house... sickening guy isnt it....??? Making it worse, he is the one who always ask pple out.. & he is oso the one who cant make it in the end... Damn pissed... I will NEVER wana go out with him anymore... Just return my $$ & fuck off.... Yes... I super HATE him now... !!!

SingleHood...

2006-01-12T23:01:00.000-08:00

Today had our monthly dept meeting... & mangaer talked about her goals in 2006 for our dept to acheive.... mainly empathising on the MC rates.... hum... saying mus take care of health while young... cannot party so much... haha.. I noe where is she heading to ah.... & i am oso well aware of what I am doing... so I will LOOK into it.... hehe... After the 1hr plus meeting, we headed to Sakura for our dept dinner... Its kinda 'welcome Saadiah back... Goodbye Andrew' dinner.... erm actually not really goodbye lah... just that Andrew will be transfered to another dept... anyway we will still be under 1 company & btw he is getting married next mth... dinner will be held at Shangri-La Rasa Sentosa... so next mth pocket burnt 1 big hole liao... Food @ Sakura not tat bad ah.. never tried before & very long never eat buffet liao... now stomach bloody bloating man... Hate that....

Today is someone's bday... someone who has deleted me from friendster & msn.... ya I can still remember.... was asking frans yesterday should i sms & wish him...however everyone gave me negative answer.. even to an extend willing to treat me dinner if I dun contact him... so I guai guai listened to them lor... I noe watever they advise me is for my own good eventually....

Nowadays will suddenly feel its a good thing being single... duno y will suddenly think this way but it only lasted for a short while... but am having this thought quite frequently... I mus slowly start to think this way liao... its not tat bad being alone afterall..... u have freedom.. can do anything u wan.. go anywhere u like... without any restrictions isnt it?

Piggy Me.....

2006-01-10T21:56:00.000-08:00

Really went to MOS last nite w Jess & fran... eve of Hari Raya... it was a last minute decision... & this is my first time going out with Jess after being colleagues for so long... the queue wasnt tat long as I have expected... erm dun find that happening yesterday nite liao leh ... but maybe only last nite lah.. plus Jess not 'high' enough yet to go dance.... ard 12 plus Pat came to fetch us to go Devils.... hehe... I got Karen's colleague to sign all 4 of us in... at least can save some $$ ah... guessed I drank until quite high liao... daring everyone to go platform dance... We oso saw one of our colleagues there... erm not really considered colleagues oso ah... is actually our contractor.... always feel happy when u see pple u noe during clubbing... Ard 3 plus, Pat left with Jess & fran.. they tired liao... as for me, still got the energy.. so stayed with David, Eric & frans... we partied till ard 5 then went to have nasi lemak for supper.. damn hungry man... never eat dinner leh... Slept at 7 am this morning... only until now then woke up... haha.. ya... i slept more than 12 hrs... suppose to pick up contact lens today 1... but too tired & lazy.. plus the weather is so damn shiok to sleep ... Wondering if I can still sleep tonite... well.. definitely yes... I am a pig mah....

Weekly Entry

2006-01-08T21:32:00.000-08:00

Looking back at previous posts.... seems like I am only updating my blog on a weekly basis.... haha.. cos nothing much happening in my life to update leh...

past week has been so so... with the new account 3Com... however seems like my manager was not happy when I went off on the dot on Fri... piang... dun tell me I have to really stay back everyday meh... & its only Fri that I went off at 5.30 mah... Saadiah said its ok.. but I mus be preapred to stay back next week... hai~... thats the bad thing about handling big account... mus put in alot... & that is really alot of dedication & proactive-ness in that account...

yesterday went for dinner with polymates... then went to Thumper but boring.. so headed to Makino... only to find it worse.. so in the end MOS... haha... I find tat nite the music was not bad leh.. but Pat & gang dun really like it... maybe they old liao ah.. haha... last nite didnt dance much.. so now still very 'gain' to go clubbinig again.... who wan to acc me go??? I wana go MOS.... !!!

Good Start....

2006-01-03T00:17:00.000-08:00

Woke up damn early today cos last nite slept at 9pm.. supposedly go MOS 1.. but fell asleep & my phone on slient mode... when I woke up.. only to realise so many sms-es....

Dyed, highlighted & trimmed my hair today with Karen... didnt realise my hair is soooo long liao... Karen did rebonding... after that went to Calista's place to tok things out.... ya.. everything is alrite now... tats a good thing.. my matter is oso kinda solved... managed to contact the person & tell him to clear the whole issue up... Decided to still keep in touch with him.. still can be frans wat.... Glad that things are solved... :)

Calista oso called 'him' today to confront him... erm I realise he has deleted me from his msn contact list liao.. good thing oso lah... he himself dun do wat he said 1.. say dun contact liao.. but still msn/sms me... say free go for coffee... wah lau.. does he noe wat is dun contact liao or not???
Guess this is a good thing afterall oso,.. frans have been telling me not to contact him already... well I did listen to them lor.. i didnt.. but he did... & I cant bring myself to ignore him when he contact me... i am a very nice ger 1 lor.. :) Anyway I realise I no more feelings for him liao ah... haha... Sharon mus be so happy to see this man... hehe... :) Maybe my attention is now being diverted to so many other pple liao... much better pple...

New start for the brand new year... Will live everyday of 2006 to the fullest.... Be happy everyday.... :)

Year 2006 - A Brand New Year

2006-01-01T17:41:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year Franz!!!!

Time really flies.... its 2006 now... past year hasn't been a good one for me... hopefully its better starting from today... of cos I myself will try to make it happen as well... :)

Was busy wif work for the last week of 2005... Nothing much happened till Friday... I went to a hse party with my fran.. its her fran's hse party... it was a very nice & big aprtment... party was quite boring until later part of the nite... anyway something horrible happened that nite... it has ruined my friendship with my fran... its my fault for leaving her alone... its my fault for not standing totally at her side when such thing happened... as a fran, I am on her side... but as a neutral party, I do suspect she has the tendency of faking it.. from past experience & watever that happened that nite... so I am in a v.difficult position... I dont noe how to put it...
'Ger, I am sorry & hope u can understand... I dun feel good about this whole incident as well.. & as to wat u said about the guys saying wat I did... well I REALLY didnt do it... I dun see why is there a need for me to deny if I did it... & if there is a chance I wan to make this clear to u & the guys as well... ' Hope this will be the last such terrible incident that has happened, no more in 2006!!!....

Was too tired on New Yr's eve & since ard evening that day still no programme, decided to sleep early... until Karen called to jio play mahjong... luck was down that day & lose $$.... I sucks at mahjong man.. though I like to play... guess need to pay a bit more sch fees to master this game... Karen commented that when I am 'seh', i play better.... haha... yaya.. i agree... cos only the last part then i start to win alittle... next time play cannot be too wide awake ah....

Ok.. I am sleepy again... going to take a short nap... :p

Christmas..a period of Loneliness

2005-12-26T23:53:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!!! Bet frans are enjoying this festive season w their loved ones... well for me... its a different Xmas from the last 3 yrs... still cannot decide if its a good or bad thing...
Okie... here is an update of wat have happened for the past week......... Basically clubbed for 4 nites.... :P

Wednesday supposedly going to MOS w Karen.. however so many pple... ended up at MW... & it turned out that half of it has turned to 'ming ge chiang ting'... OMG... cannot believe it & its so boring... after that got frans at MOS q-ing.. so I alone went over to join them... MOS is the best... clubbed till 4am.. went home.. slept for 1 hr & headed for work... zombie the next day man...

Thurday went dinner w Saadiah & Pat... supposedly is purely dinner ah.. but ended up drinking oso... the more I drink.. the more wana slp.. haha... slept for 6 hrs tat nite... better than 1 hr ah.. haha..

Friday went MOS at 9 plus.. to avoid the long q... yes.. its super early... we sit there until sian.. though I dun really feel like leaving.. but majority wins.. so we headed to Thumper.. saw my 'chu lian qin ren'.... haha.. stayed there till 4am... next day got to work somemore... i really become super woman already...

Sat came home & took a nap after work... then headed to Thumper again.. cover charge $50 per head leh.. ex... in the end we opened 1 chivas..waived 3 head count.. so got to pay another cover... anyway i need not pay anything that nite... :p xmas celebration over there was so so only... we shared table with a group of guys... then think Pat high already.. went to cheers w them.. haha.. later one of them came over asking am i Ok.. & after that played 5-10.... got 1 cute guy in the group...exchanged numbers... :p stayed ard 3 plus...

Sunday intend to meet Karen for dinner... chit chat.. however received SMS from dbl O about free entry tat nite.. so yup.. ended up at dbl O with frans... was mostly drinking than dancing since the drinks there are dirt cheap... unhappy things happen at there that nite... think I gotta ban going those places w 'O' liao... all sad incidents happen at dbl O, O Bar, MOS....

Today woke up... feeling miserable... started to cry... its been quite long that I cried so terribly... I really HATE myself at times... obviously noe nothing will comes out of it... even if really 1 day got chance to be back together, I clearly noes I wun wan... but WHY am I still feeling this way??? Why do I still wana HANG on to it??? Have I gotten over yet or not??? My sober mind tells me yes... almost... but when I am drunk, it says otherwise... some pple said u express ur true feelings when u r drunk.. some said no... u r jus uttering plain rubbish... so wat the HELL is it? Will someone tell me exactly wat am I thinking / feeling?

Where is my AWS???

2005-12-21T00:19:00.000-08:00

I am broke... damn super broke... when can I get my AWS??? Stace was asking if I normally have pple to sign me in when clubbing.... well.. yup.. most of the time... all thanks to Calista... haha.. she got so many lobangs.... If no one sign me in, I think now I am penniless liao...

Accompany Elaine to do her Xmas shopping today after work.... She said I dun look happy... erm.. perhaps...I dun feel happy nor sad.. jus normal lor... She was wondering how will Kenneth react when he see me? erm.. I oso wish to know leh.. then she suddenly ask me if I feel happier now or when with Kenneth... wah.. wat a question.. seriously I duno leh... she thinks I am happier when I with Kenneth.. life more stable... not as messy as now... ya.. I admit ... my life is kinda messy currently.... but happier when with him? really not sure about that... Anyway i think almost everyone has been toking about my slimming down thingy... Today my colleague suddenly came up & asked me this, ' I got a personal q to ask u... Are you taking any slimming pills?'.... I was like huh? no lor.. I didnt... Y wouldnt anyone believe me? hai~ I honestly tell pple is due to sad lor... but no one believes... :(

Meeting Stace & Karen tmr... its been so long 3 of us didnt have dinner toegther liao... Karen on leave on Thurs.. so suggested go M.O.S tmr nite after dinner.... ok lor.. I will acc her go.. I very gd 1 even though next day still gotta work... haha... ok.. its getting late... gotta get my beauty slp.. Nitez...

M.O.S.... !!!*

2005-12-18T15:48:00.000-08:00

Last Friday was on leave.. so met up with Ser to go Bugis 'bai bai'... the lot that I 'jiu' average only... we later went to walk walk & chit chat... Met up w Calista after that... supposedly go Zouk 1... suddenly change of plan... we are going M.O.S instead....!!!! since her frans got invites... hehe... 1 word to describe that place... COOL..... I simply like M.O.S... !!! they have 4 sections playing diff types of music... we love the r&b section.. though its quiet small... Hang there till 4.30 before heading home... by then already dead tired liao... legs aching... but enjoyed the nite....

Watched 'The Descent' yesterday... heard that its as gross as Saw II... but not leh.. instead I find its more scary than gross... was being scared quite a no. of times... overall so so show lah...planned to go Liquid Room after that.. but Pat msged he is going M.O.S ... I oso gain gain that place ah... & I dun really like Liquid Room afterall.. so psycho Calista to go M.O.S instead.... ya.. so we went there for 2 consecutive nites... think I am addicted to that place already... :) really dance until my legs damn aching man...

Something happened jus now which I duno whether to feel happy or sad... actually I dun even noe wat the hell I am feeling now... I didnt wan everything to end up like tat... in fact this is the last thing I ever wanted... He called me earlier on to chat.... but jus after a few mins, its gone... OMG... y does it have to turn out like tat?!?!?!?!?

**View of M.O.S dance floor from 2nd level**

**Taken @ MOS.. Very blur hor....**

** Look damn blur man...**

**Zi lian while on the phone**

**RelaxingFriday.....**

**Sweetie Cassie**

Hangover Aga|n

2005-12-12T23:31:00.000-08:00

Had a crazy Saturday but terrible Sunday.... Supposedly to go Dbl O with Calista & Uncle... however guess the poor ger club too much on Friday... fell sick liao... so I go with Uncle only lor... Our main objective for that nite is to party like crazy.... Yeah......

Drank like siao that nite... didnt really drink much ... but guess is the mixture of different alcohol that made me 'seh'... Bacardi.... Gin Tonic... Long Island Tea... Whisky Dry... White Wine.... Whereas Uncle only drank Barcadi & Gin Tonic.... He gave excuses saying he got to drive so cant drink so much... after comsuming all the drinks, both of us already half gone liao... so headed up to the top of the stage & started dancing like nobody business... thats the fun of it isnt it? dun bother about wat pple think of u... however that nite i did something which the outcome is ...... duno how to say... but dun anyhow think hor... its nothing of watever dirty u guys are thinking... jus that its like kena slapped in the face lor... but i seh lah... so dun really noe wat the hell did i sms oso... anyway its over liao.. oso dun wana think so much....

Sunday woke up with a teribble hangover...practically slept the whole day... slp... wake up.. headache.... slp again... my routine for Sunday..... :)

Jus came back from meeting a fran... erm.. he behaved very strangely.... his so called 'closed up' version... i dun like lor... so weird... not used to he behaving like tat... Disappointed was how i felt... anyway he is just being moody today... so guess this behaviour should not last tat long ah....

What will be ur Feelings?

2005-12-07T23:50:00.000-08:00

If someone said

'You are not PRETTY enough for me...!!!'
How will you feel?

If someone said

'You lose 20kg, I come back look for you....'
How will you feel?

I will definitely feel disheartened...demoralised...hurt....so down graded... but does tat person actually noe he is hurting you terribly??? No... He wun noe... & he wouldnt even bother to noe or care about your feelings... He will just talk about his things.... about wanting to noe pretty gers... etc... he just wouldnt care about your feelings when u hear all these... Horrible feeling for you isnt it? Wanted to cry at that point of time but jus couldnt... U cant let him noe u r crying... couldnt let him noe how weak u r.... Mus be strong in front of him no matter wat happen even though its jus an act....

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Suppose to meet Karen today for shopping but I jus have no mood to... these few days I jus wana lock myself at home after work... no mood to do anything... too many things to think about... only time when I stopped thinking about such stuffs is when I am totally engrossed in my work.... I wish I have more to do @ work now.. to keep me occupied.... Well I am definitely handling this upcoming big acc, 3COM.... had a discussion yesterday on the overview of this acc... erm ok ah... doesnt seems tat tough ah... however watever discussed was supposedly under the perfect situation ah... but sure bound to have been hipcupps here & there 1... so might not be that easy afterall... tmr going to see the customer... at least I noe how they look like when I liase with them.... now my job seems to more interesting... go see customers... involve in major accounts... hope it will continue to go up... Ok.. back to today... so I 'dua' Karen initally.... Calista called as well... erm I rejected her... Finally my mum called & asked me to meet her @ Bugis cos she is buying this equipment which is super heavy... want me to go carry for her... So I am being 'forced' to go out afterall... Just nice Uncle Erik called & knowing I in a bad mood... he offered to meet me... so in the end I jio Uncle & Karen down to Bugis to have dinner lor...

Waited for them so long leh... so I & my mum went shopping ard when saw a white Ellesse watch... very nice leh... but I no $$... my mum offered to pay 1st ah... hehe... now got new watch liao... so next target will a nice pair of sunglasses... saw some Gucci ones.... but not tat nice leh... nvm.. will wait & see... We then have dinner @ Siam Kitchen... The food sucks esp the buffet... not nice at all...

Actually duno should I feel happy or sad... some pple say I slim down alot.. some pple say I very fat... Heard both comments on the same day.... This means I mus be a big fat pig last time man... !!!
One of ours contractor asked me wat I have eaten which resulted me in slimming down so much recently...ask me to tell her... She said the contractors are all toking about it... wah.. I didnt noe I so hot topic ah... Seriously nothing lor... Be sad I guess.. haha... My mum's fran oso saw me today....from far she asked my mum if thats me... & said tat I have slimmed down alot since the last time she saw me which is 1 mth ago... got so 'kua zhang' meh? Well the horrible comments of cos I would not wan to elaborate on it.... erm now that I got quite a few exercise machines & stuff... I will continue to work on it.. probably lose 20kg more...? haha..... Franz!!! Be prepared to see Cass the Skeleton if I really achieved that.....

FranZ No More

2005-12-05T22:48:00.000-08:00

Suddenly duno wat to write... where as minutes ago... I was dying to blog watever is in my mind...

Something happened....I wana noe more about it simply cos I loved & cared for you...Nobody likes the other party to keep secrets from them.... No one girl wouldnt want to know about their bf's past relationships esp those that impacted him greatly.... unless she dun even give a damn about him....To me, HONESTY & TRUST are the key factors to keep 2 people together... Will you mind if ur gf dun tell you anything about her past relatinships? How will you feel if she just refused to say anything?

Since you have decided that you wan it this way.... so be it....

MiXeD FeeLinGs OnCe Aga|n

2005-12-04T23:35:00.000-08:00

Changed my layout again.. Well cos its not appropriate anymore... Didnt expect it to last for such a short period only... Anyway the outlook of my new webbie is still nice.... Agree? :)

Was on MC last fri... Having quite a bad flu... well but tat did not stop me from going out...Met Calista's & her fran for KTV which then we proceed to Zouk...Erm I still dun like Zouk despite this is my third time going... Still prefer MW afterall...

Sat went to Creative to change my MP3 player the THIRD time... ya..within a year its spoilt for the 3rd time.. lousy & the stupid service centre is damn far... Jurong leh... when I reached there the stupid MP3 player jus wouldnt hang... like tat how to prove to them its faulty... piang.. i made alittle bit hoo-ha...then they finally agreed to change a new 1 for me... hehe... this time i got a dark blue Zen Micro... Initially I bought a black 1.. then when its spoilt for the 2nd time... they no stock for black.. so they offered a silver lor... bo pian lor.. i waited too long liao.. now I ask them to give me a blue 1... haha... Hope it wun spoil again... its too troublesome & my warranty is ending soon....
After that went to see SawII...erm i find part 1 more disgusting leh... anyway the show not bad lah... more suitable for the psycho pple...haha... Someone bought me a mahjong pc game... duno if that person is willing or not... maybe its jus a slip of the tougue to offer buy give me... until today still asking me to give him back the $$.... :( Suppose to meet Calista & fran @ Liquid Room after the show...but not feeling too good.. so I 'dua' her again.. Guess she must be very pissed off with me...

These past days having all types of feelings.... Happy... Disappointed... Relief... Sad...Seriously I oso duno wat I am thinking now... Today woke up feeling very happy... it could be the tot of yesterday... but when reality hit me... I became disappointed... At some point felt happy that we are franz but when think more about it... it jus saddens me...Maybe 1 day I would not hear from him suddenly.. when he found someone else....Jus duno when that day will come... Sometimes I feel myself damn 'shi bai'... saw something on msn currently which triggered me to have such feeling... though I noe it all along.. but seeing it made me come to my senses... tear flowed... I am trying very hard to be normal franz... & I noe I am almost there already...

Back to Singlehood....

2005-12-03T01:46:00.000-08:00

Guess the subject explains everything... no more Dear anymore... suddenly I feel everything took place so fast... He used to tell me this but at that point of time, I dun think so at all.... Only when its over then I realise 'yes... it happened too fast...' Duno if its a good or bad thing... but no matter wat, its over.... I have to learn to let go of it...

Met up with Karen today @ Addicted... Her main intention is to have a talk with me, not drink... however guess he has 'saved' the trouble for her.... no talk is needed afterall, he has made the decision already... Before going home, Karen asked if I am alrite... 'yup' was my reply... She kept asking me ' r u sure?' ... think it scares her that I look too ok esp in such situation... Seeing my own behaviour.. I oso scared... I am just too alright already...

Currently feeling confused, lost, maybe kinda relief as well... dun ask me y... I oso duno... Maybe like wat he said, life without him will be better.... Maybe... Perhaps....Hopefully....

Btw met Dimple Guy @ Addicted as well... He told Karen that I slimmed down alot... erm the last time i seen him was about only a mth ago... however I dun think so leh... didnt even made the effort to go on diet leh... Anyway I am happy to hear that ah... Will continue to strive to attain a slimmer Cassie.... :)

Long Awaited Chicken.....

2005-12-01T00:34:00.000-08:00

Finally caught 'Chicken Little' today... after seeing the posters almost everywhere around the streets... Was a funny & entertaining show... though it definitely cant be compared to Monster Inc (my favourite)!!! I love the fishy... its so cute... cant stop laughing.... if got the soft toy... i sure get it... hehe... will recommend you guys to catch it though the movie is only 1 1/2 hr...

Btw had my appraisal yesterday.... was expecting something bad... however it turned out otherwise.. I have improved compared to the previous 1 done half yr ago... of cos still got areas to work on it... felt happy tat my hard work has been recognised & of cos more motivated... Recently we have a big trial shipment & I was chosen to do it.... Oso yesterday during appraisal, heard that we will be having a new customer which is super big... & again they are intending to put me handle this account... Yes.... i felt honoured to handle major accounts... Actually I used to handle major accounts oso ah... so this shows that I did do a good job afterall... thats y they trust me to handle this up-coming account well too...Karen is happy for me oso.. at least my career is going some where.... :)

Lost... Confused....

2005-11-30T14:52:00.000-08:00

The song playing bascially explains how I am feeling now... I really wish time could be turned back... I miss the past... though it ended up horribily... but at least I had the happy & sweet memories to keep...

At the same time, I am lost & confused as well... Dun wana mention what happened but I have chosen the 'not recommended' choice... I know eventually what will be the outcome but I still stubbornly insisted on this choice... You can call me stupid or watever... but I have made up my mind... I dun wana care/think about what will happen next time... as long as I am happy now...

Many people told me that I am very nice ger... too nice that I get bullied at times... however why cant he just appreciate me as what I am....

not GOOD enough...?

2005-11-29T02:26:00.000-08:00

Too many criticisms... Still can accept but will have a limit to it... Have expectations however I cant achieve tat... No point changing cos its in you... It just wouldnt work out...

Joke of the Day

2005-11-27T07:28:00.000-08:00

Slept ard 4 am this morning..when my alarm rang at 6am... so I woke up reluctantly & went to shower... was about to finish bathing when I realise today is a SUNDAY leh... wat the hell am I doing... piang... I quickly finish my bath & went back to slp... already super tired for these few days liao... then blur me go do such stupid thing... hai~.. got to wait for another week before I can sleep late without having to wake up in the middle of it...

Met Dear for dinner jus now... he made me wait for 1 hr plus cos he overslept... :( anyway I very good 1 lah...wun becos of this be angry with him.. but dun take it for granted & always late... like tat i sure super angry 1... Had our dinner at Fish & Co... I had a whole line fish while he had black pepper stingray... Dear actually had difficulty cutting his stingray which seems funny cos by rite... you wouldnt even need to cut it...in the end only to realise that the stingray is not fully coooked yet.. poor Dear ate 1/4 of it already...as an apology, they served a bowl of complimentary soup... Dun think Dear dare to eat Fish & Co's stingray liao.. haha... first time try this dish & kena such thing....

So fast tmr Monday again.. sian... got to work.. urgh... !!!

**Playing Dear's gameboy.. I look damn serious man...**

**Pretty???**

**I am still as 'zi lian' as ever**

**Me & Dear**

NeW OutLooK

2005-11-27T04:11:00.000-08:00

Finally I have changed the layout... Have been thinking of changing it all along but too lazy... Now I am being forced to change cos it had exceeded bandwidth.. something like tat ah.. I oso not very sure wat is it about... According to Ser, I jus need to change the template... so here it is...my cute layout... hehe... though I am super tired today... I still made the effort to do it leh... else will disappoint my loyal readers ah... haha...

Here are some updates... As usual have been meeting Dear everyday for dinner & movies... we have catched almost every single show... until we have to resort to watching foreign ones... haha... anyway 'Anadaman Girl' turned out not bad... quite entertaining... We spent our Friday nite @ MW with his franz... erm not tat fun liao leh... or maybe just dun have the mood to club afterall... cos its a last min thing & dun have 'xin li zun bei'... haha.. Halfway thro I went to Zouk with Calista... Less than half an hr, I was out of that place & back to MW... cos I still simply dun like it...Heng... got pple signed me in else waste $$ leh... Slept for 2 hrs that nite before I headed to work.... Seems like I am getting used to sleeping only for a few hrs already... hehe...

Went to Sitex fair with Dear after work today... erm this year 1 sucks... very small & boring compared to last year... & not much crowd as well.... Sianz...

Something happened btw Ser & her bf... & I am glad that she is willing to share her problems with me... I wouldnt want her to keep it all to herself... 'Ser, though I cant help much, I will always be there for you k? there will always be a listening ear waiting to hear you out... Hope you will think carefully & sort everything out once you feel better... '

Seeing such thing happen to my gd fran... experiencing the same thing myself before as well.... Really scared it will happen to me again... I know its a matter of trust... but there are life examples showing no matter how much you trusted the other party or that you dun even trust him , it will still happen... Relationships is really a gamble...

Regretted....

2005-11-25T13:09:00.000-08:00

Currently working now but no mood.... btw this is the 1st time I am blogging at workplace... At times even when I am very free at office... the tot of blogging nvr came to my mind... partly cos I have to access the internet secretly.... However now I dun care.... jus felt disturbed by wat happen last nite... whereby I jus wan to express my feelings in this entry....

Dear & I were chatting as per normal last nite which somehow turned serious when I touched on a certain topic... The ending wasn't good... & I have never expected such an outcome... I seriously do not mean anything & doesn't mind about it if it remains like tat... Jus tot tat its for his own good... However he changed his impression of me.. He felt disappointed with me & I am very affected.... I shouldnt have raise such a topic last nite.. else he wun be behaving very differently now... I am totally affected by this whole matter & colleagues are asking why am I looking so sad...

I want the old Dear... able to hear his chirpy voice... telling me that he misses me... I dun need him to change anything....

Me & him....

2005-11-22T21:28:00.000-08:00

Well.. I have not stop meeting him since Sat.... neither did I stop contacting him.. in fact we met up on Sunday.... Before that he noes that I was chatting with 'An Quan Gan' thro MSN... guess he wasnt tat happy... anyway when I was on my way to meet up with him @ Bishan... he sms-ed me saying that he will give me an ans by today if possible... However in the end, after our sumptuous dinner & movie.... he still did not tell me anything... I didnt ask him about it as well as I dun wana rush him....

When I reached home... he finally asked if I will be his gf... he was actually thinking of asking the question when he is sending me back.. however I told him no need since its too troublesome & next day still gona work.... so yup... we are together.... :)

Erm since 12th Nov till now... we have been meeting everyday except last Fri cos I got D&D... Despite times whereby he is very tired or not feeling well... he still makes the effort to meet up.... the reason is simply he misses me... hehe... well of cos... I miss him too lah...
At times I duno wat Dear is thinking & really wished he will tell me all about it (will you Dear?)... but at the moment I will try my best to go understand him more... :)

Currently Dear is sleeping now... poor boy feeling damn sick... & somemore has been slping very little for the past 2 nitez... I oso damn seh already...head getting heavier already... Nonetheless I MISS MY DEAR.....

What Should I do...

2005-11-20T00:44:00.000-08:00

Met him today for Harry Potter... tickets were booked by him last nite... He told me he has booked the 2nd last rows... Erm 2nd last row???? Cannot be leh.. Harry Potter just screened & its a Sat leh... how can the 2nd last row be available.... After checking again, only to realise he has stupidly booked the FIRST 2nd row instead.... so in the end we spent 2.5 hrs watching the show in discomfort... Overall its only a so-so show... not as good as I have expected...

Had Marche for dinner... tok cock... then went home... actually dun really feel like going home... Maybe I jus wana spend more time with him...cos I said tat after today we wun be contacting/seeing each other anymore... in the end we still went home ard 9 plus...

I tried asking him for an ans... but he mention that didnt I ask him not to decide in a rush? well... true... I jus duno wat should I do... If not to contact him..I duno if I can do it... If to contact him.... wat will become of me later???

Uncertain Him

2005-11-19T05:08:00.000-08:00

Afterall he has not decided wat he wants yet.... I hate being bluffed... These few days have been a roller coaster ride for me... At times, he makes me happy... but he saddens me as & when... I dun wan such experience anymore... No more for me... Though I like him alot... I have decided to let it go.... I seriously dun wan to go thro again wat I have experience half yr ago... Its easier for me now than next time time he tell me we not suitable..etc... Though I feel sad currently... I will overcome it... all it takes is time...We shall end it here.... No more contacting/seeing each other after today... It will make me feel even worse....

The 2 of Us...

2005-11-17T23:25:00.000-08:00

We have been meeting everyday... including today... even though I was super pissed off with him last nite... he admitted it's his fault & said no more clubbing / drinking for him... at least not tat often... well duno to believe or not... anyway me being such a nice ger... of cos very fast 'xiao qi' lah.. haha...

He has been treating me well... partly cos now is the so-called honeymoon period oso... just hope it dun end so fast... his small little actions/gestures touched me & have me falling more for him... eg today ... despite his small butt was really in pain... couldnt sit nor stand still... he still agreed to meet me for dinner... cos unreasonable me insisted.... but after I saw him really super in pain... I felt so guilty... shouldnt have asked him to come out... he should be resting at home....

Currently having mixed feelings.... happy yet worried... glad that I have him but scared that all these will jus vanish with a snap of fingers... I wan to make this relationship work & dun wana lose him... On the other hand, I wan to noe what is he thinking as well.... Are we on the same path or only me who is the only party trying to make it work out? Nonetheless, I am missing him already....

Am I being Understanding???

2005-11-17T00:07:00.000-08:00

He finally made his decision... or maybe was forced to decide last nite.... I told him to reconsider about it... dun wan him to regret it... But he said he tot about it carefully already... well... okie... I believed him... but now I dun think so... I think he is not ready afterall...

He said no more drinking... no more clubbing for him.. maybe once in a blue moon... he mentioned this got to apply to me oso... though I didnt agree on it... I did tot of not going Zouk with Calista this friday.. since he dun like... but now... why should I listen to him since watever he said is the total opposite of wat he is doing....??? 'kuo bu dui xin'... I dun like it... if u cant do it... dun say it... like tat watever u said to me are craps already... which is truth which is lie... I oso duno...

I am angry with him... but I am oso asking myself if I am not being understanding enough... he is just going out with his frans... I cant control him too tightly... he cant always acc me...I noe all these... but I jus hate it that he dun do the things he said...

Also why cant tell our fran? Ur frans noe... My frans noe... but why not our fran? I dun understand... The only reason I can think of is you still like her....

Should I jus let go now? Maybe he is still 'hao wan'... not ready for a relationship... though I really like him... let go now better than later... I dun wan to hurt myself any further....

Everything too Fast...?

2005-11-15T02:01:00.000-08:00

First of all... 'An Quan Gan' no more...but someone else came into my life... & seems like everything has happened too fast... I am falling for him... which I am really afraid to.... Scared of being hurt again... After hearing wat he said to me tonite... I am even more confused... Do I just let myself fall deeper or control my feelings for him? Really very luan... I dun dare to tell him how I feel/think.... I wana protrait myself as a strong ger to him...

He told me he is unsure about us as well... hearing that really sad... Guess I really like him... but I now will have the 'anytime let go' mentality... Although I dun wan that to happen, I have to get myself prepared....

Continue more tomorrow....

Fucking Pissed

2005-11-09T23:38:00.000-08:00

Suppose to meet Uncle Erik today for KTV... however this old guy having sore throat so went for maken.. chit chat instead.... While dinner...we de4cided to sms 'An Quan Gan' saying 'I miss you'.... see if he got any reaction.... well he did not reply.... so Uncle decided to use his hp to msg as well... asking if fri wana go Addicted... a reply asking 'who is this?'... after Uncle replied back... no more reply from 'An Quan Gan'... nvm... i still can accept it... jus losing hope...

After my shower, i saw a missed call from 'An Quan Gan'... happily I called... i regretted calling... seriously... now while typing this entry I can feel my blood boiling... apparently he has a quarrel with his dealer & was walking from Central Mall back to Sim Lim Square to get his car.... ya.. its a very long way... & thats y he called me lah... so I shoot him back jokingly 'u sian then call me lah'... then he oso attitude... said 'its ok1..nvm... i can dun tok 1....' btw he is seh oso... we managed to tok awhile then he attitude again say 'aiyah u can go & slp lah... i walk myself lah....' after which he hang up on me... Piang... I fucking angry.... WTF.... i call you & tok ... then u hung up on me... Na Bei... so wat if I like you... then u can treat me like tat ah... I cant describe how pissed am I... of cos I am sad as well... but I am more angry than sad lor....

No more 'An Quan Gan' in my life.... He can fuck off already... BTW I saw Wil & his gf just now... duno wat to react at that moment oso... jus felt like 'siam-ing'... Anyway its the past liao ah....
I guess I really need sleeping pills... too much things in my mind these few days.... & another fucking day tomorrow... meeting with Manager... discuss problems & corrective actions on our accounts... sure kena fuck again... sian... cant think of any corrective actions... basically its not my fault mah... operations overlook then I got to clean up the shit meh? Everything is just so shitty.....!!!!

Back to Work Tmr...

2005-11-07T15:32:00.000-08:00

To continue from my last entry... The nite when I went down Boat Quay with Uncle Erik to find him.... well he called me later @ 3am.. This time round I am not surprised but happy tat he called.. somehow I have expected he to call but I dun wan to have high hopes on it as well... Afterall who am I to him...

Anyway we chatted quite a far bit.. he told me he damn 'seh' after his 2nd round @ Eastside... was lucky that he managed to drive home safely... so I asked him y did he call me then since he is 'seh' & got to work the next day... He replied he wan to make sure I am home safely... Isn't he sweet? Mainly we talked about his past relationship... he told me not say he dun wan me to be with me but he had lost hope in everyone.. & that is EVERYONE... well disappointed was how I felt... but I understand... He has too many problems now... in fact the timing is totally wrong.. if only his last relationship isn't tat recent... if only his mum isn't back.. if only he had not the accident 2 weeks back... Maybe the current situation will not be like tat.... I told him I duno should I feel happy or sad that he called... cos he has rejected me.. but he kept saying he did not reject me... I duno wat is he thinking.... just leading me on??? Before ending the call I asked if he still wana ever hear from me again... He replied 'fei hua'... I asked y is it 'fei hua'.... He said then wat for he called me in the 1st place... He also added...'Y? Cos no rich guy to look after you ah?' I can still remember when he said 'good nite'... it was so gentle... totally different from wat he portrait himself outside... However that nite i still cant sleep... I am really expecting too much....

Received a sms from Ser @ ard 9am the next morning... found out that she is alone @ East Coast Park... feeling worried... I quickly rush down & acc her... Though I did not help much over there... in fact I myself oso feeling quite troubled... at least one will feel better if your frans are there for you... Glad that she finally decided wat to do... & hope this is not a wrong decision made...

Met Karen later in the evening intending to do waxing, even fixed appointment... but in the end we have to wait for another week or so cos both of us have recently shaved... the hair is too short to do any waxing.. too bad... Headed to Addicted after that since nothing to do on a Sat nite... Jereme & guys will be there as well.. Singapore is so BORING.... Wats there to do at nite... Always have to crack my brain to think wat to do on a Fri & Sat nite... I hate staying at home... so does Karen... she asked if we can stop going drinking.... Can... but where else to go...????
Anyway that nite I am super 'seh'... very long never so 'seh' liao... didnt drink tat much.. but I mixed the drinks... drank Vodka Lime... Chivas.... white wine...

Sorry auntie... supposed to look after you 1.. in the end is the other way round... Tat nite super sad... oso duno y... I miss him terribly but I have to be understanding... he is already troubled w his things... i shouldnt be adding on to it... but I wish he can at least tok it out.... y keep everything to himself... I will try to control myself... not to contact him for the time being... give him time & space to settle/sort out this things...

Back to work tmr... it was indeed a long break for me... time to work hard & keep myself occupied...

Thinking & Missing....

2005-11-05T03:03:00.000-08:00

Met Ser jus now for chatting / shopping... I see her in this state.. so scare she will be like last time.. I dun wan that to happen to her again.. Be Strong Ger... No matter wat there are frans ard you... dun do anything stupid like last time k? Not worth it... I can survive thro a 3.5 yrs relationship so can you rite????

Met Uncle Erik jus now & he brought us to Altivo for drinks.... Nice place... too bad never bring my camera... anyway got chance I sure go there again... Anyway Uncle Erik helped me called 'An Quan Gan'.. Apparently he is @ Boat Quay with his dealer... Me of cos pester Uncle to go down with me ah...

Over there we played 5-10 so that can faster finish the beer.... well cos he later got 2nd round with his boss @ Eastside... poor me everytime kena drink... cos my left (which is 'An Quan Gan') kept losing.... everytime i drink he will sayang me... hehe... then he oso feed me otah.. so sweet rite? hehe.. well he also asked the waitress to eat.. I actually expecting him to feed her as well.. but he didnt... We stayed there awhile before we left... since Uncle Erik is too tired to go Eastside.. I oso cant possibly go alone.. so we headed home lor... Before leaving 'An Quan Gan' qiao dai Uncle to send me home... & he oso told me not to 'nao shi' lor.. not like tat nite lor... I wun lor..

Now at home.. I am thinking of him... though jus saw him... I miss him alot.. I really wish the next time round I meet him will not be in a pub lor... I wana noe him better... when will be the day?

Missing 'An Quan Gan'

2005-11-04T13:49:00.000-08:00

Sian.. in fact its a long break for me... last Tues & Thurs holiday.. Wed MC.. this time round I am really sick... cough.. fever... sore throat... but I still go blading & cycling ah... haha.. its a waste to rest @ home lor... anyway today & Mon I am on leave.. shiok but nothing to do.. damn sian... No plans on a Friday... come to think of it.... its been quite long that I stayed at home on a Friday nite... well... at least I am meeting Ser to do some catching up.. guess she will be busy telling me all about her trip to Aust with her hubby... hehe... of cos I will tell her about my 'An Quan Gan' as well...

Yesterday 'An Quan Gan' smsed me asking how's my day... I told Karen... She said so sweet of him.. I oso think so.. hehe.. anyway we chatted awhile.. too bad he is busy today & tmr.. tonite being booked by his boss liao.. tmr his mum is back... hai~... wonder when can we meet up again.... Okie.. got to get ready liao.. Byeeee

Feeling Fine....

2005-11-03T20:59:00.000-08:00

After my entry last nite ard 3am.. I tried hard to sleep but cant... Suddenly my phone rang... thinking its Karen.. I took my phone from the table & saw its from him.. Surprised was how I felt when I saw his name flashing on my phone... Actually I was thinking of sms-ing him today to tell him that I am sorry about last nite thingy... I tot he is pissed off with me but he called... He asked how am I & wats wrong with me... Well the whole conversation went alright.. He doesnt sound angry or anything like tat.. jus said 'Aiyah next time dun dare to let u drink so much liao'....

Chatted awhile with Karen this morning & she told me that last nite when I was crying outside the toilet... he & N came over to find me.. then he told N to ask me to go outside Addicted first ... cos his frans are there... not nice.... Erm does it matter? I really wish to noe wat actually is he thinking.... Anyway will let nature takes its course... Cant pull him too tight oso... But I am missing him every minute.....

What Am I Doing...

2005-11-03T02:45:00.000-08:00

He has automatic sms & call me last nite... I was happy but I saw him having dinner with his ex jus now... I was very very very affected... I oso duno y... I duno if I really like him or jus a crush... He sent her home then went to Addicted.. where we met again... Am I expectiong too much? Perhaps.. Like wat he said.. he dun tell pple his inner feelings & tots... so that how he behave in public... Cool... I cannot... I have made a fool of myself tonite... after so long.. I cried again... Cos of him ... cos of the past.. I just felt sad..end of the day I am not happy.. Guess he is pissed that I behaved like tat... I was not happy that he cannot send me back.. but again he got 2nd round with his frans since they r down... he winked to me that he got to go with them... I have to be understanding... Y wasnt I tonite? He is not obliged to send me back afterall.. I am really expecting too much... but again.. I am really falling for him.. feeling is terrible... I dun wana think about it.. I wished I can jus slp & nvr wake up.. no need to think wat is he thinking actually... no need to have the terrible feeling again... I hate this feeling....

Feeling good.....

2005-11-01T02:18:00.000-08:00

I felt happy in a way @ Addicted tonite... I guess I am really falling for him..... :)

Btw 1st Nov.. it used to be a very date to me.... but now....? it has lost its meaning....

Confession

2005-10-30T12:18:00.000-08:00

Quite a few things to update... First of all... I got my bonus already...hehe... abit too early ah... by right should be in Nov anyway guess the festive seasons are nearing so they gave us earlier.... this time 1 quite good... happy with it... :) now waiting for the AWS in Dec... spendtrift me of cos keep thinking wat to buy ah... so yesterday went do some shopping... bought a top & bottom from Zara... supppose to get shoes from PrettyFit but that's the last pair & they are some scratches... so didnt get... & finally I bought the Motorola V3 black... haha... have been considering quite long already... so pamper myself ah... Saw Cindy & hubby at Bugis.. so long no see liao leh.. ever since I left Starhub... we chatted awhile.. she said before that she saw my friendster's pics... & said that I getting prettier already... haha... Thanks ah...

After all the shopping, I headed down to Addicted again... consecutively 2 days... this time I really went down ALONE... actually no lah.. Calista is there... so I go lor cos dun feel like going back early.... the moment I stepped in... I was greeted by the staffs... 'Hello Cassandra'... wah.. I was shocked man... guess I am their regular there ah... so they must treat me better... haha... Joined Calista & frans at their table.. abit bored ah... but jus dun feel like going back leh.. then about 11+ we headed to Esty Bar @ Clark Quay... I like the decor esp the long platform to main stage... moreover last nite was Halloween party... I find not bad ah.. or perhaps I very like no go clubbing already... but the crowd there quite old... Didnt stayed long oso... about 1 am went back with Calista...

You guys might be thinking wat the subject got to do with this entry.. well... actually I was typing halfway about it... but after 2nd thoughts ...I deleted.. dun feel like mentioning yet... maybe next time bah..

Go & play with my new hp liao... oh ya.. next week only got to work 2 days... yeah...shiok ah!!!

Different Feeling....

2005-10-23T16:45:00.000-07:00

Since last Friday... I have been smiling whenever I tot of 'him'..u know.. those type of 'sha xiao'..... its a totally different feeling from previously how I felt for Wil .... Karen said maybe the guy I am attracted to this time has charisma... which I agree (Wil dun have lor)... he may look very fierce when he dun smile... almost like wanting to kill people... not to forget he has a very bad temper as well... but when he smile he looks cute... has a goatie... & is super tall... like wat Karen said... will have the 'an quan gan' when with him... also the way he drive is soooo cool... I am just simply attracted to him.... hehe... :) okie ah enough said.... lets see if next time I can take a pic of him or not... hopefully by fri... then perhaps I might post up... shall see then...

What to Blog???

2005-10-13T11:00:00.000-07:00

Have been more than 2 weeks since my last entry.... though it has been quite some time but I still duno wat to write for this entry... erm life been going fine.... having my franz to accompany me & brightening my days....

Erm start of with my holiday to Bangkok ... was quite fun with all the shopping though its a short trip.. not many pics taken since I have been there many times...

**Nice View from the Plane**

**Me Zi-Lian in the plane**

** Just checked into the room**

**Nice?**

**Delicious Chocolate Fondure**

**Swensens @ MBK**

Last sat Karen & I went Uncle Erik's (also known as Thumper Guy) place for steamboat & mahjong... was my second time playing mahjong with those 'fan' or 'tai' ... we started off with 3 pple mahjong... I lose horribly... almost a $100... Heng Uncle Erik pity me ah.. so give back me 80 bucks.. heng ah.. ar bo.. my pocket really burn 1 big hole... later on A came over to fill up the empty seat... duno I am getting better @ it or they are tired already... I win quite abit .. ard $70+ ... hehe... talking about it... hands itchy liao... now 'gain gain' to play... hey Uncle Erik... when will be our next mahjong session? Btw his dog very cheeky.. haha.. kept smelling pple's ass... & i suspect its a gay.... cos when A came over... he was super super excited & jumped on his lap... following wherever he goes....fyi... that was the 1st time his dog saw 3 of us...
Ok... dun tok about his dog liao.. later he angry.. but overall very cute & friendly doggy ah....

Next day Karen & I were suppose to go Addicted however she 'dua' me... to accompany her bf... :( anyway I met Uncle Erik for dinner that nite whereby we headed to Addicted after that.. thats when he tot of playing a prank on Karen... hehe... I sms-ed Karen, saying... ' I am on my way to Addicted now alone.. since no one wans to acc me'... the next moment, Uncle Erik's phone rang... it was Karen... She apparently asked him to go down Addicted to acc me...haha.... fyi.. she is like my babysitter.. super take care of me lor... anyway Uncle Eril & I played along until the next day I told her the truth... she was not angry ah.. my this gd fran not so petty 1... hehe.. anyway tat nite... Jereme & gang were there but no Wil... abit disappointed though but maybe its a gd thing afterall ... Sean kept bringing his mug of beer over... find he everytime very like to make me drink... maybe to revenge the 3 holes I left on his leg... haha... Poor Uncle Erik tat nite super afraid that I will puke in his car....

This week seems to past quite fast & tmr is FRIDAY... haha... suppose go for dinner & ktv today 1... but was cancelled due to something.. anyway will be postponed to tmr.. but instead of ktv.. it will be to Addicted... going with Karen & her colleague whom I met last fri... not bad-looking ah.. hehe... Uncle Erik might be joining as well... BTW its his birthday today... totally forgotten until jus now he remind me... damn pai sia...

'HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIK !!! Another step closer to being uncle liao leh... hehe'

Sometimes I am wondering the reasons behind my frans' actions/behaviours.... eg... I ask Uncle out for dinner beforehand... he can ask me when/where etc.... then after anwering all his questions.. he simply dun reply back... piang leh... dun wan say dun wan ah... y jus keep quiet rite? somemore U-grad...shouldnt U-grad be more educated & noe their manners? hai~... Uncle... see u treat me quite good other than being no manners ah... I forgive u this time ah... but pls dun do it in future... at least have the courtesy to tell me u cant make it or watever... ok?

Okie.. time to slp.... Mus rest & have the energy to enjoy tomorrow... ITS FRIDAY !!!!!!

Looking forward to Sunday

2005-09-26T23:28:00.000-07:00

Piang... I just spend 1 hr plus to write the entry & its gone... lazy to write liao ah... now I will jus write the summary of the past week....

Friday Calista's sweet 16th birthday... Karen, Thumper Guy & I were there. Coincidently, Thumper Guy saw his fran, Chris there as well... small world... anyway we played bluff... Chris helped me to drink.. he said for the sake I am cute... Thanks ah... I oso trash the 2 guys playing 5-10... they really 'bu zhi si huo'... dare to say wana play 5-10 with me... haha... Basically happy that nite cos get to see Wil & oso Chris kept saying I cute... haha... I very bhb... but not true meh?
Saturday pissed off with work.. Manager asked me to update a report which the last entry was in July... This is Elaine's work & I am not trying to be calculative but she is still ard that period lor... & I got to clean up her shit again jus cos she didnt update.. I have enough already.. & the thing is no one noes when will she be back... is there such thing called indefinite MC? Karen said I might as well take all her accounts & the company just raise my pay.... since we can still do it without her...
Spent my Sunday nite @ Addicted with Karen, Jereme, Wil & gang... Was melting when I looked at Wil while he was singing... jus duno why am I so into him... anyway Chris & his frans came later part of the nite... joined Karen to say hi to them as well.... Thumper Guy oso came not long later.. so shifted to Chris's table... Was talking to Thumper Guy & looking for my lighter when someone hugged me tightly from behind... was Chris.. think he abit seh liao.. he said' Yes my dear... what are you looking for?'.... Wondering if Wil saw that cos before that when Karen went over to take our bags... Wil asked where am I... & Karen said he kept looking at my direction after that... Erm wat will Wil think? Soon Karen, Thumper Guy, Wil & Lester went off... leaving Jereme & his 2 frans... Thumper Guy oso asked Chris to look after me... so in the end I left off in Chris's car... Now did Jereme see it? Will he tell Wil that? hai~... Its somehow the last nite @ Addicted for some reason... Will I ever see Wil again?
MC today.. Coulding sleep last nite.. oso duno y... anyway looking forward to Sun as I will be flying off to Bangkok though I have been there countless times... I jus need a break... have been feeling very stressed recently... btw I sleepwalked for the 1st time... was semi-concious at that moment.. remember I was into some work stuff... heng my mum wasnt alseep then else I would end up peeing in my room...
Have been thinking of Wil whole day... Hoping to see him again before Sunday......

Busy with Work

2005-09-18T08:13:00.000-07:00

Have been very busy these days as usual with Elaine not around..& everyone start to disappear in my dept day by day.... Supposedly dun have to work yesterday 1... but seeing Andrew like cant cope with work & oso knowing that everyting sure will be much messier for me on Monday.. I volunteer to go work... Saadiah said I still havent learn yet.. & she hopes that I am being appreciated.. well hopefully...

Friday went to SAF Yatch club with Karen & 'Thumper Guy' for our finner... great ambience by the sea.. with the breeze blowing on ur face.... nice place to rest & relax... but damn wu lu ah... next we decided to go Fullerton One for ice-cream... but the restuarants there have limited selections of desserts...except BakerzInn which abit sick of it liao... so we walked over to Esplanade... bo liao rite? haha... we settled for Haagen Daz in the end... then headed to Addicted for awhile.. haha.. trying my luck to see if Wil is there... well... I went out off with disappointment... next stop Thumper... I duno y wasnt in the mood for clubbing that nite.. whereas Karen was damn tired.. so we spoilt 'Thunper Guy' 's mood by saying wana go home after at Thumper for 1 hr+... poor guy though he told us its ok... basically that nite he was like our taxi driver... driving us ard...

Saturday woke up early in the morning for work & met Vincent for movie in thr afternoon.... caught 'The Brothers Grimm'.. i personally find not bad... or maybe cos I very long no see show liao ah... after the show, I met Karen, A & 2 of his franz for dinner Marina Sq... before we headed for KTV... the whole KTV session only me, Karen & one of A's fran singing.. of cos I sing the most ah.. haha.. sing until going to lose my voice soon... ended ard 2+ then headed home... felt shiok after singing.. hehe.....

Slept for more than 12 hrs before I woke up... cant describe how tired am I... tomorrow will be the start of another tiring week again.... hai~

**Me & Karen @ the Yatch Club**

**At Haagen Daz waiting for our ice-cream**

**Nice? **

Maintaining Friendship...

2005-09-12T23:32:00.000-07:00

erm I sense something is different since last nite's phone call... I am doing my part as a fran consoling him... but seems like he is not really upset over the whole matter afterall...he did tell me before that he wished he was single & that he sure court me again... erm... I duno... I would still wana maintain our pure friendship... or maybe I am just thinking too much liao... Hopefully so....

I started to think of 'him' these few days... have the urge to sms/call him... but eventually I didnt... the tot of them so lovey-dovey dropped the idea...

Zzzz... Zzzz & More Zzzz

2005-09-11T23:51:00.000-07:00

Basically the subject describes how I spent my weekend... Super super tired... Went for Siting's BBQ on fri... think we went there too early... & poor Karen have to wait for the food for 1 hr before its ready.... we chatted with Siting's frans.. & not to forget took some pics as well.. haha.. Siting was too busy playing host tat nite.. so didnt really catch up with her... some other time ba... For once Karen was so excited to go Addicted...She can hardly wait to be there even though its only 8+ then... so we got into a cab & by 9 we are at Purvis Street...

Once there... Calista pulled me to a pub @ Allson Hotel... well the atmosphere over there & at Addicted is totally different.... the music is much hotter & you can actually be the DJ there & chose watever songs u wan... erm... I would say both places are good.. but of cos I feel much more comfortable @ Addicted.. Calista kept introducing pple to me...esp guys.. but I am not interested leh...the guys behind us actually asked us to go join them play cards... I being the spoilsport refused to go over.. so Calista went alone lor... seconds later... she came over & told me the guys wan me to go over... piang.. like 'pei ke' leh... Drank 2 bottles of Heniken before headed back to Addicted... Karen wasn't quite happy cos she saw I abit seh... anyway continue drinking abit there before heading home... Karen said I looked super down tat nite... erm I duno leh.. I think I am ok.. maybe I am just disappointed w something... tats all... Anyway the next day I woke up feeling fine... went to work... came home wanting to take a nap when 'Thumper Guy' called to jio for coffee.... Poor guy, going crazy soon cos of the problems he having... I can only hear him out & give him my opinion.... as for the rest its up to him... I still think he gona be selfish this time round & give her up... Anyway after he send me back.. I straightaway headed for my bed... thats ard 6.30pm.. slept all the way till today 12pm.. haha... 1 word to describe... 'shiok''.... woke up ate my lunch... surf ard.. & went back to sleep from 3 to 7... erm basically my sunday is eat & sleep ah.... & now I am going back to sleep again... haha...

Btw my gd fran cum da jie cum babystitter is attached liao... feeling happy for her but sad for myself... hehe... Happy that she found someone that can always be there for her... to fill up her emptiness at the end of the day... On the other hand I am sad cos she cannot pei me tat much already... I got to go find someone else tat is single already.. haha....

**My big face covered Karen's eyes**

**I looked sleepy...can barely opened my eyes**

**Karen having fun with the float**

**My turn... **

**Nice pose.... ??**

**Both of us being 'zi lian' once again**

**Siting & Me**

**Siting & Karen**

**Siting.. me...Callena (isnt she very sweet?) & Karen**

Tired... Low Moral

2005-09-09T00:04:00.000-07:00

Wat a nice weather to sleep tis morning.. really feel like hackcare about responsibility & take MC.... but in the end I still went to work... was super busy for the 1st half of day.... & poor Karen have to hear all my complaints during lunch...haha... Andrew & Pat went to see Elaine during lunch.. Andrew was saying that in a ger's point of view, Elaine's conditions is considered quite bad..cos her chin kena stitches, jaws swelling & teeths crooked.. basically the injuries are all on her face... well like tat duno when she can be back.. u guys mus be thinking i very bad...no go see her... busy with work leh.. call her oso dun wana ans... so like tat lor....

Yesterday went KTV w Calista after that went her hse awhile... since her place very wu lu... she helped me call cab... after a few moments in the cab, the driver started toking to me.. ask if I always wear black.. y I like to wear black.. & if my bf likes it.. piang... I jus smiled @ his last question lor.. then he like dun get the hint.. kept asking.. so I said no bf lah... then say how come dun have.. u have a smiling face leh.. so pretty ... high expectations ah...etc... then ask y no go chiong... ladies nite leh.. then tell me he got go 1 leh.. ask me wana go with him or not... in my heart feel like saying ' u siao ah'.. haha.. he asked if I got go chiong w uncle before or not.. then tell me he is not single but available.. piang... he is scaring me more & more lor... then before reaching my place.. he said... 'u still got 3 mins to decide whether to give me ur num or not?' I quickly say... 'erm no need ah.. 1 min more can reach my hse liao'.. then just before stopping in front of my hse.. he ask again... I snapped him by saying 'can stop here liao'... I so scare until while trying to get off.. my heels kena stuck... I cannot stand another second in the cab... This taught me a lesson.. Never entertain taxi drivers again....!!!

Tmr going to Siting's BBQ with Karen.. so long no catch up with her liao.. she is my ex DBS's colleague... after that shall be @ our usual hangout.. Addicted.. though this Sat got to work but dun care ah.. Pat going oso.. so got free drinks.. hehe.... As promised.. below are the pics taken on Sun.. I looked damn messy, fat & ugly... haha.. always like tat when i drink...

**Dun they look like a couple? (I jealous)**

**Erm he really looks like a poly boy**

**Seeing Karen 'seh'... he oso act 'seh'.. funny...**

**Acting cute**

**She is my da jie.. I am her xiao mei... **

**Though same age but he looks like her younger brother**

**'Seh' oso can look so nice....**

Really Cant Stand Work Anymore!!!

2005-09-07T00:12:00.000-07:00

Monday was a busy day @ work .. guess it goes the same for everyone... finally lunch time came... asked Elaine if wat time wana go for lunch.. she told me she going home.. I was like 'wat?'... she said she is sick ah... erm I see she is ok lor.. except that got to everytime clear her throat.. anyway if she wana go off.. tell me earlier rite? hello I am your partner leh... u dun wait for me to ask then u tell me lor... Really pissed off lor... So I went out for lunch with Karen.. Came back from lunch & saw she left many email printouts on my desk to follow up... & one of them was for me to call our Sweden office... she wrote 'called them on thurs but till now no reply '... wah lau... so these few days why u never call them? Sat u work cant call ah? & are you too sick to even lift up the bloody handset to call Sweden.... ? piang... I see liao super pissed... WHY THE HELL CANT SHE CALL AT HOME? If I go off on the dot, I oso got to call Sweden after work leh... think MC big FUCK ah... !!! I was super angry until when I complaint to Saadiah, I almost cried... How many times have she gone missing this yr already? countless... even her customers kept asking me 'why she have so many leaves ah?'...or 'MC again ah?'... Jus when I have the motivation to strive after the tok with manager, this type of things happen again... it really make me feel like resigning... who can understand my position.. I dun mind backing up her shit work.. but in the end its not recognised... she get much more bonus than me.. Why? I hate it... & when I jus go on leave for 2-3 days... she will complain to supervisor alot of work to do... & my work is all in a mess... who noes it? who has to clear it after that? Its ME!!!!... I am the one who get scolding from customer even though she is the 1 who do it... FUCK MAN!!!... I am REALLY not Happy working here anymore... esp with such a partner... You might think I am such hypocrite.. talking behind her back.. but I simply dun care already.. Honestly she is a not bad fran... but colleague... can forget about it... She is a terrible working partner...

Today she came back to work... thinking everything will be back to normal again... Andrew called me ard 9pm while I was out with Calista... he tell me that Elaine's sis called to inform that Elaine met with an accident... & warded to hospital... damn.. I noe I should feel sad.. but I cant help feeling angry... AGAIN!?!?!?... I am SUPER SUPER SUPER SICK of such things already.... Y cant she jus let me carry on my job in peace... & stop giving me such nonsense... If she were in my shoes, she sure go crazy 1... who can take such fucking things??? time & time agian.. When can she stop go missing? Its only a matter of time... will see how long more I can tolerate... May find me childish that I resign cos of her.. but I am TOTALLY UNHAPPY working with such pple... Urgh.....

P.S: Something wrong with photobucket.. Will try uploading the pics taken on Sun soon...

Cassie

end of our relationship?

Shopping Makes One Feel Better

23rd Aug- what will 3 mths later be?

23rd Aug- what will 3 mths later be?

Back at home

Happy Birthday to me

Disappointment

Aching heart

Cannot see Future

Possible to turn back time?

First Entry of 2008

**Genting**

**Back to the old days**

**Change for the Better**

**6 more days to go...**

**Undescribable Feeling**

**Boring Sunday**

**My Gucci Bag**

**Sian....**

**Ready???**

**Too Many Thoughts...**

**Back....**

**Happier me...**

**Yawnzzzz...**

**Just for Company???**

**Boring Saturday Nitez**

**Angry....**

**SingleHood...**

**Piggy Me.....**

**Weekly Entry**

**Good Start....**

**Year 2006 - A Brand New Year**

**Christmas..a period of Loneliness**

**Where is my AWS???**

**M.O.S.... !!!***

**Hangover Aga|n**

**What will be ur Feelings?**

**FranZ No More**

**MiXeD FeeLinGs OnCe Aga|n**

**Back to Singlehood....**

**Long Awaited Chicken.....**

**Lost... Confused....**

**not GOOD enough...?**

**Joke of the Day**

**NeW OutLooK**

**Regretted.... **

**Me & him....**

**What Should I do... **

**Uncertain Him**

**The 2 of Us...**

**Am I being Understanding???**

**Everything too Fast...?**

**Fucking Pissed**

**Back to Work Tmr...**

**Thinking & Missing....**

** Missing 'An Quan Gan' **

**Feeling Fine....**

**What Am I Doing...**

**Feeling good.....**

**Confession**

**Different Feeling....**

**What to Blog???**

**Looking forward to Sunday**

**Busy with Work**

**Maintaining Friendship... **

**Zzzz... Zzzz & More Zzzz**

**Tired... Low Moral**

**Really Cant Stand Work Anymore!!!**

Genting

Back to the old days

Change for the Better

6 more days to go...

Undescribable Feeling

Boring Sunday

My Gucci Bag

Sian....

Ready???

Too Many Thoughts...

Back....

Happier me...

Yawnzzzz...

Just for Company???

Boring Saturday Nitez

Angry....

SingleHood...

Piggy Me.....

Weekly Entry

Good Start....

Year 2006 - A Brand New Year

Christmas..a period of Loneliness

Where is my AWS???

M.O.S.... !!!*

Hangover Aga|n

What will be ur Feelings?

FranZ No More

MiXeD FeeLinGs OnCe Aga|n

Back to Singlehood....

Long Awaited Chicken.....

Lost... Confused....

not GOOD enough...?

Joke of the Day

NeW OutLooK

Regretted....

Me & him....

What Should I do...

Uncertain Him

The 2 of Us...

Am I being Understanding???

Everything too Fast...?

Fucking Pissed

Back to Work Tmr...

Thinking & Missing....

Missing 'An Quan Gan'

Feeling Fine....

What Am I Doing...

Feeling good.....

Confession

Different Feeling....

What to Blog???

Looking forward to Sunday

Busy with Work

Maintaining Friendship...

Zzzz... Zzzz & More Zzzz

Tired... Low Moral

Really Cant Stand Work Anymore!!!